I am GRATEFUL for the online support groups I have found. I now belong to three. One is for infertility, one is for LDS adoptive families, and one is for PCOS. I seem to fit so perfectly into them. It's wonderful having a place to go to where I can truly let my feelings out. I find even on this blog that I tend to keep something off that I want to talk about, but it's easier to do it among friends who are going through the same thing.
In the infertility group I have learned that even though I don't ever want to get pregnant, the fact that we can't bear our own children is still going to hurt.
In my PCOS group I am learning some things I need to do to better deal with my PCOS and get it under control.
I am GRATEFUL for the discussions we have had this week in the LDS adoptive families group. We have had some very eye opening discussions that have helped Josh & I make some big decisions. I have wanted to mark a boy only on our profile. I feel like with adoption I have lost all control and I thought that would be a way to get it back. But I better understand now how that will affect our chances of getting selected so I have resigned myself to the fact that I can't choose. And since I refuse to buy "neutral gender" things for our future child I also realize that when our child does come it will be a mad dash for us to get everything we want. My daughter will have pink stuff and my son will have cute little boy things. I hate using yellows and greens to prepare for either gender.
The other big decision that we have reached thanks to this support group is that we are going to be open to any race. I am totally nervous about that. It's not like we only want a Caucasian baby, we are just nervous about how to raise a child of a different race and I am afraid of how others will treat my child when they can obviously see they are different than us. I expect all families and friends will be accepting (they better be or they won't be a part of our lives!). But I worry about as they grow up and go to school. Personally when we first started I wanted a half mexican/spanish baby because I think they are beautiful. And if anyone ever tells me "Oh, it's too bad you couldn't have any of your own" I will punch them. They're not children on loan. They are our children, signed, sealed, and delivered. Or I guess in our case it will be delivered, signed, and sealed! We are in for some long discussions. If you adopt a child of a different race, what do you teach them about their heritage?
Saturday, November 22, 2008
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2 comments:
Adopting can be overwhelming especially since we can't control so many aspects. What helps me through all this is to remember that these are merely 'on loan' from God. Whether they are boys, girls, infants, older, white or black, they are all children who need homes and need parents (whereas many of us who are infertile need children to fill our homes an hearts).
There are a lot of resources out there to help with knowing how to deal with transracial adoptions. A blog I stalk just posted some great resources (she's our age and has adopted 3, all transracia, but a few with disabilities: daughter is deaf, a son has emotional issues) for transracial adoption: http://manytimesblessed.blogspot.com/2008/11/transracial-adoption-articles.html
She is a great source of encouraging the average family to open their hearts and minds to adopting more than just the blue eyed baby (all these other children need homes too - ) Check her out at http://manytimesblessed.blogspot.com/
I am glad we opened our options: we are now adopting two beautiful boys both of which aren't infants, but both whom we love with all our hearts.
Also check out her list of links for photolistings for 'waiting children' who also need parents and a home full of love - Which you clearly can offer. (I have reposted those links in our blog as well).
Thanks for YOUR blog. Been enjoying reading it!
Some things that help us are to remember if you were to get pregnant, you can't choose what gender of child you will have and so we figure with adoption we shouldn't choose one or the other and limit our possibilities. Boy or Girl...they were supposed to come to your family!
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