Monday, November 30, 2009

Winter Swaperoos

This fall I participated in a blog swap. It was a lot of fun. To see what I sent and received go HERE. It's now time for the winter swap. If you would like to participate click on the buttons for the details.
*If you join, please let me know so I can get a discount on my $5 fee.

End of National Adoption Month

I have LOVED blogging about adoption all month long. I love adoption and wanted to end the month with a bang.

Did anyone catch on to THIS post on Thanksgiving? Particularly the letter E for emails? I won't make you click back. Here's the line I was talking about:

Emails from C - If I go a day or two without them, my mood starts to turn sour. I LIVE for these emails.

Let me tell you, I am not the best secret keeper, but this time I am pretty proud of myself. On October 20th we received an email. I called Josh to inform him we had another scam. That's what they always are. Then I started to count weeks and it actually matched up. This was a possible lead.

Every time we get an email from a potential birth mother my first reaction is to find the LDSFS office nearest to them and send them the contact information. That seems to be the fastest way to weed out scam. I didn't get the urge to do that this time. This time (after that first 5 minutes) I started to get excited.

Five weeks! Five weeks of bliss. For the most part I managed to keep my secret. At first we told two people, our caseworker and a friend of mine that has been blessed several times through adoption. After that I did pretty good. We were already emailing C when the paper interviewed us. When people asked how things were coming, the best I could do to not outright lie was say "I'm happy with how things are right now."

In the last two weeks we started telling friends and family. I was able to have some good visits with others who are waiting. I wanted to make sure they heard it from me and not somewhere else. I was had last Monday when a friend asked how things were. We had just started telling people and I hadn't said anything at work yet. But I paused too long and she knew something was up.

We have been emailing back and forth with C for over a month now. But the highlight happened on Sunday. After exchanging several hurried emails we decided to just call her. And we plan to meet her SOON. Santa's schedule is messing things up, but we are going to meet her hopefully in the next week or two.

Please pray for us and even more importantly, please pray for her. We don't want to share her name yet, but just pray for our birth mom C and heaven will know who you are talking about. Please pray that she can find peace and comfort as she struggles with her circumstance and the decision she needs to make and please pray that if she does choose adoption, we will be the family she chooses.

*To read the sad ending to this story, please read Unchosen.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Chosen YouTube Project

I am totally out of ideas for National Adoption month so I took the following from the r house blog:
here is how you can help:

we need photos of your family. we need photos of your placement. we need your photos that show the real emotions of adoption--the bittersweet joy, the excitement, the love, the tears ...we need it all no matter what part(s) of the triad you are part of.
email these photos, as many as you would like and are willing to share to the following email account that i set up just for this project:

these photos will be used in videos that will be shared on the internet. please make sure that each person in the picture is okay with it being used in the video.

Oh, and don't worry about the last day of National Adoption Month, I have something pretty exciting scheduled for tomorrow.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Celebrate Adoption with FREE Shipping!

The R House Couture is offering FREE shipping. Here is the details from her blog:
thank you for being part of baby gavin's adoption story. we thought we could give a little back to our favorite customers.

from 12:01 am on friday, november 27th through 11:59 pm on saturday, december 5th we will be offering FREE SHIPPING to anyone living in the united states or canada.
consider it r holiday treat to browse our already made earrings, bracelets, necklaces and adoption shirts click HERE.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Adoption Book Highlight: The Adoption Decision

I LOVE THIS BOOK. I couldn't put it down. It had such wonderful insight. I am going to have to reread it and highlight my favorite parts.

One of my favorite parts was:

Natural child: Any child who is not artifical.

Real parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.

Your own child: Any child who is yours to love.

Adopted child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is loved.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Couples looking to adopt

I realize I need to go through my side bar and reorganize. I have couples in the waiting to adopt list that have recently adopted and couples looking to adopt that aren't in that list. Until I get it updated, please remember that these awesome families are looking to grow through the miracle of adoption. If you ever meet someone who is pregnant and considering adoption please refer them to this list.

Andrew & Jessica
Doug & Marianne

Gavin & Shauna

Dustin & Andrea
Jason & Mea
Donney & Nikki
Will & Kelly
Our Adoption Blog

Mike & Tammy

Lincoln & Megan

Kelly & Lechelle

Lance and Julie

Josh & Kenna

Alicia & William

Dan & Aranne

Brad & Dawn Marie

Jacob & Sharon

Luke & Bridget

Nic & Elaine

Kirk & Heather

Jeremy & Leslie
Jeremy & Leslie

Ryan & Helen
Hoping for Another Miracle!

Nick & Paige
Utah Adoption

Nathan & Holly

Steve & Amy

Dustyn & Kamie

Shawn & Alicia

I want this post to be LONGER so that hopefully these families waits can be SHORTER! If you are looking to adopt, I want to add you to this list. Please leave a comment with your adoption profile or blog and I will add it to the list. Or you can email me at sourbonk [at] yahoo [dot] com. If you don't have a button I will just use a picture on your blog or profile as a link. And please let me know if your link isn't working. I've not reached the point where I'm PRETTY SURE I have the right link with the right family.

*All buttons and pictures were taken from their personal websites, I do not own any of them.

Thanksgiving ABC's

Adoption - What a wonderful miracle adoption is. I'm grateful that my life is so entwined in it's web.

Books & Blogs - I love to read. I love the blogging friends I've made. I love that blogging is such a great way to stay in touch.

Computer - I spend WAY too much time on it, but after having to go a month without one, I know it needs to be on this list.

Dinner - Love to cook it, love to eat it. Also love it when Josh cooks it!

Emails from C - If I go a day or two without them, my mood starts to turn sour. I LIVE for these emails.

Family - Thanks for loving me.

Good Home - As newly weds we lived in some pretty questionable apartments. I am thankful for the nice place we live in now. Love the space and LOVE the views.

Hope & Faith - It would be a bleak sad world without it. I'm especially grateful for the hope and faith I've had lately.

Infertility - Really? REALLY? Yes, really. Without my infertility I wouldn't be the person I am today. Without infertility our lives wouldn't be touched by adoption.

Josh - I could use all the words in the dictionary and still not describe how wonderful he is and how much I love him. My life is so wonderful because he is a part of it. Thanks for loving me babe!

Kisses - If you were the recipient of Josh's kisses, you would be grateful for them too.

Laughter - Don't always take life so seriously.

Music - I love it when songs really seem to talk to me. I also love it's calming effect.

Nephews - I feel pretty lucky to be their aunt.

Open Adoption - What a great way to touch so many lives. I look forward to exchanging emails, pictures, and hopefully visits with birth parents and their families. Our child is going to be so blessed to have them in their lives.

Photography & Pictures - I love capturing moments on film and turning them into ever lasting memories.

Quite - I love to get out and play and be around family and friends, but I'm also grateful for quite moments to sit and reflect.

Resources - I knew NOTHING about adoption when we started this process almost 3 years ago. I have learned so much through classes, books, blogs and friends. I'll probably never know everything about adoption, but I feel more prepared than I did 3 years ago.

Savior - He always loves me unconditionally and there is so many miracles in my life that I know He arranged just for me.

Temple - I'm so grateful to be sealed to my husband for all eternity and I look forward to they day we can take our children there to be sealed to us.

Uniqueness - Josh calls me quirky, but I think uniqueness sounds nicer. Either way, I like the many different things about myself. I'm glad that every one is different and that there is no one else quite like me.

Variety - I love where we live. We experience all the different seasons and the beauty that comes with each of them.

Wisdom - I love learning new things.

eXtraordinary friends - I hope you all know who you are and how much you mean to me. My life is blessed to have such wonderful friends.

Yearning - It's what keeps me going sometimes. I would have given up a long time ago without it.

Zipper, Pyro & Ally - They have filled our home and hearts with so much love.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Guest Blogger - Things to not ask a birth mother

One of the funnest things this month has been reading other blogs about adoption. A few weeks ago I found a birth mother blog, The Happiest Sad. I LOVED reading her story. I realize I will never understand all that a birth mother goes through, but I appreciate her for opening my eyes to so many things. Thank you Jill for letting me repost your blog on things to not say to a birth mother.

I love being a birth mother. Knowing that I helped to create an eternal family, that my sweet baby won’t want for anything including a father, means the world to me. Adoption is such an amazing thing and I am blessed to have it (and Roo) in my life.

But there are times when I wish I didn’t feel the burden of responsibility, the need to educate the world about adoption. I wish I didn’t have to be an adoption mythbuster and tell people why they shouldn’t ask the questions they do.

I believe that for the most part, most people are mostly good. I know that people don’t mean to offend me or other birth mothers when they say the things they do. But the fact remains that they have offended me, or bothered me, or irritated me, or made me want to smack them.

I know that there are a number of similar such lists floating around the internet, but I feel the need to add my two cents’ worth. So here is my list of things one shouldn’t say to a birth mother.

1. “Didn’t you want her?”“Are you serious?” is how I always want to respond to this. I don’t know a single birth mother who didn’t want her baby. I wanted Roo more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. If I had to choose between breathing and Roo, Roo would win every time. I wanted her, and I do want her, and I love her. But this wasn’t about me or what I wanted. It couldn’t be. It had to be about what was best for Roo, and adoption was it.

2. “I could never do that.” This one is infamous in the adoption world. I think this of all statements is the one that most would consider harmless. But when I hear that, I want to ask, “Why? Why couldn’t you do that? Wouldn’t you want the best for your baby?” So often the tone in which it is said implies that the birth mother has erred or acted impulsively or been careless, or that she did it because she doesn’t love her child. Adoption is not a choice made lightly or impulsively, and it is certainly not made because of a lack of love. Adoption *is* love.
As my friend Tamra says, if I’d loved my baby just an ounce less, I would have kept her. I placed her because I love her. I also liked Tamra’s advice to me on dealing with this comment. She said to tell people, “No, you probably couldn’t,” in a tone that implies that I am a much stronger person than they are.

If you would say to a birth mom, “I could never do that” to try to tell her that you admire her strength and courage, consider phrasing it differently. Just tell her that you admire her strength and courage and that you can’t imagine how hard it must have been for her.

3. “I’m sure you did what was best for you.”Someone actually said this to me and I wanted to hurt them. Does anyone really, truly believe that I chose adoption for my sake? It wasn’t best for me. What was best for me was keeping and parenting the daughter I loved so very much. Placing her was hell for me, certainly not best for me. If it was about me, I’d still be a single mother. I did what was best for Roo. Period.

4. “Will she call you mom when she’s older?”Of course not. Why would she? I’m not her mother. M is her mother. She can call me whatever she wants to. “Jill” would work just fine.

5. “Won’t she be confused about who her mom is, having you in her life?”Well, let’s see. One of us will feed her, dress her, bathe her, read to her, sing songs with her, play with her, teach her, give her hugs and kisses and tend to her boo-boos and take her to primary and listen when she talks and make sure she’s happy and healthy and smart, be married to Roo’s father and live in the same home, in short, be her mother; and one of us will … visit from time to time. Nope, sorry, I don’t see any confusion there.

Roo will know that she grew in my tummy before she was born, and that I made sure she got to her mommy and daddy. I don’t think she will ever, for a second, be confused about exactly who is her mother.

Going along with that question, people will opine that openness must surely mess with a child’s identity and sense of self. Well, how on earth does having more people in Roo’s life who love her, mess with her? You can’t spoil a child with love. Roo has two families who love her. She will know exactly who she is. Studies show that open adoption is mutually beneficial. All members of the adoption triad find peace and joy in openness.

6. “Oh, you took the easy way out.”This is another statement that makes me want to hurt the speaker. There hasn’t been a single easy thing about adoption. I didn’t place Roo because being her mother was too hard. Being a mother wasn’t something I wanted out of! What was hard was placing her for adoption. I have never felt sorrow and despair so deep as I did when I drove home from LDSFS without Roo in the car. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and the pain nearly undid me. Don’t think for one second that adoption is the easy way out. It’s not easy and it’s not an out.

7. “Well, now that she’s been adopted, you can get back to being young and having fun.”Oh, honestly. I couldn’t believe it when someone said that to me. Did they really think that I placed Roo because she was interfering with my social life? I would take Roo over fun and youth in a second. But I can’t have Roo. So I go out with friends instead. That doesn’t mean I placed her so I could go out and have fun.

8. “You made the right decision.” (said with an air of judgmental superiority)Well, thanks. I’m sure glad to know that you thought I made the wrong decision when I single parented for nine weeks. And thanks for judging me and deciding what’s right for me and my baby, too. Because that was totally your call to make.

Adoption was the right decision for Roo, but not right away, and I don’t think that it’s the right decision for everyone. When someone says this to me, I wonder what they say to single mothers, women who chose parenting over adoption. “You made the wrong decision”? How rude and judgmental!

Yes, I made the right decision for Roo. But the rightness of it was for me to determine, and I don’t need anyone else to confirm it for me.

9. “You know, you could have sold her for millions! People will pay a killing for a healthy white baby.”People will say this jokingly, but it always makes me sick. A child is not a commodity to be bought and sold. I didn’t place her for any kind of physical gain and I never, ever would. No one should. Period.

10. “Will she know that you’re her real mom?”Sorry, I’m not her “real” mom. M is. And what’s a real mom, anyway? I didn’t place Roo with a family of cardboard cutouts. Calling me Roo’s real mom implies that M is … what, her fake mom? Uh-uh. I am Roo’s birth mother, not her real mother. Same goes for the phrase “natural mother.” What constitutes an unnatural mother? There’s a lot of negative adoption language out there I’d like to change, like …

11. “Oh, what made you decide to give your baby away?”Excuse me, but I didn’t give her away. I didn’t put up an ad on Craigslist, “I’m giving away my baby, does anyone want her?” I placed her for adoption, but I certainly didn’t and wouldn’t ever give her away. I gave her a family. People who ask this question always want to know when P and M will tell Roo that she’s “not really theirs.” That’s funny. I was under the impression that she was really theirs. Hmm. That’s news to me! Whose is she then?

I’m sure I’ve neglected to mention a few other words and phrases that I loathe hearing, but this is the list for now. One last thing that bothers me is how many people pretend I never had Roo at all. So many people ask how I’ve been, but so few ever think to ask how Roo is doing. I don’t want to ignore those 9 weeks of my life. They are precious and wonderful. I had a baby, and I placed her for adoption. Please don’t pretend none of it happened!

And for the record, I think the best thing to say to a birth mother is, “What a brave woman you are. You must love your baby so much to have done that for her.” And leave it at that, folks, unless she wants to talk.

Thanks Jill. I hope this will help spread the word on how to not treat a birth mother. Thank you for letting me share this.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Some of my friends and a bit of their stories

I met Kelly on Adoption Voices. She is such a neat person. Yesterday she was featured on Studio 5 and their efforts to raise money for their adoption.

Video Courtesy of

Oh, and she has amazing blog HERE.

I met Emily through They adopted a beautiful boy. I loved how she said "Some may think we gave our baby a gift by adopting him, but the reality is that he is giving us the ultimate gift by being our son.” Wow Emily, it can't be said any better than that. To read more of their story and how they are raising funds for their sons transplant surgery, go HERE.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Here is an AWESOME article about adoption on Mormon Times.

Just a few of my favorite parts:

"Many Mormon adoptive parents ride an emotional roller coaster as they try to find the child or children meant for them. They wait for months and even years for a placement only to find they have to hurry to catch a plane, file last-minute paperwork or decorate a nursery.
The Los Angeles couple say the secret to achieving a successful adoption lies in not giving up, not becoming bitter and not getting angry at God for one's circumstances."

Go HERE to read the entire article.

Want to read some other awesome stories about adoptive families that are going to have their own unique set of twin? Go HERE and HERE (this story is told in parts. See the top of the left column for links to each part of their story).

Friday, November 20, 2009

Happiness is....

Baby sitting my nephews!
This morning I got to spend a few hours with these handsome boys.
One of these days I am going to take pictures so the world can see Ally isn't as innocent as she looks. If she didn't already have a name I would be heavily considering names like, chompy or chew chew or chewy. Or even Princess Bites Alot.
I can't believe how quickly these two became best friends.