A month ago, I came home from a weekend out of town with my sister, to find out my husband was leaving me. He had already packed a bag and was just waiting to say goodbye. As I stood on my back porch and watched him drive away, I wanted to die. But God got me through that night and the following days.
A week later, I learned there was another woman. Each day, my eyes have become more open to all the stuff the liar hid from me. Stuff I put up with for years because I loved him. Stuff he hid from me because he was a coward to own up to any of it.
He was willing to end our 15-1/2 marriage for someone he claims he only just met in June. I was willing to work things out. I was ready to forgive. I believe that is what you do in a marriage. Instead, he decided to let his true colors show and walk away.
By the third week, I had hired a divorce lawyer and before week four ended, I had signed papers and I have started the 90 day separation period that Utah courts require before the judge will sign off and end our marriage.
When he first left, I felt like I was loosing everything. But it turns out he is the one that will loose everything. I get to keep my home and my car (which is paid for). I also get to keep basically everything inside the home. The only thing that will leave those walls are his hunting and fishing supplies.
I no longer feel like I am the one loosing him, but he will be the one that looses me. I loved being married. I loved being a wife. He will search the world over and never be able to find someone as amazing as me. Or someone who put up with his crap the way I did.
His first mistake was cheating on me. His second mistake was giving me time to figure out I could live without him. I will forgive him because I can't live with the hate in my heart. But I also plan to forget him and move on with my life.
I will be okay. I have a great job that will cover all of my expenses. I have amazing friends and family to support and love me as I go through this. Most importantly, I have God who is always faithful. His peace surrounds me each day and I am continually in awe of His power and grace.
This chapter of my life is over, but a new one is beginning. I will no longer be updating this blog. I won't delete it because it holds many happy memories, such as my nephews, but I don't feel like I can continue it either. Instead, I've decided to start a new one. Feel free to follow me at Sparkles & Stardust.
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