Robin's Nest

Last week, I noticed a robin outside my window at work. Each time I saw him, he had a twig in his mouth, so I knew he was building a nest. Then on Thursday I had a few quite minutes at work, so I was able to really watch him. I was thrilled when he disappeared in a tree right outside. I then waited until he flew away and ran outside and peeked in the tree. Sure enough, there was a nest. I was so excited! I wanted to try to get a picture when the eggs were laid and then again when they hatched.

Then on Monday, I looked outside. The landscapers were tearing out the tree! The first company that did our landscaping did a horrible job and planted a bunch of partially to fully dead trees. This week, a new company came in to replace them all, and my robin's tree was one of them. I was heart broken. I stewed over it for a while, then decided since they were just going to throw the tree away, I wanted the nest. So I went outside and asked the worker to get it out for me. I would have loved to put it in the new tree, but I know the robin won't use it now that it has been touched. But it couldn't use it in the garbage pile either, so I only feel slightly guilty.

I decided to give it to Barb so she can use it in her classroom. She was thrilled.

When I peeked at the nest, I didn't think to take my camera with me. And when I asked for the nest, I didn't want to look completely insane, so I didn't take a picture then either. But I did get a picture as they took the tree out.  

They took the tree out on Monday and didn't set the new one until Tuesday morning. After they set it, I looked outside to see TWO robins. I feel so bad for them that their nest is gone. The tree was still tied up, so the robin couldn't even get inside it to look around. They didn't untie all the trees until yesterday afternoon. 

 One of robin's looking for his nest.

The other robin. I think this was the girl robin and she was mad at the male for not having the nest ready. I wish I could have spoken their language to tell them it was gone and to hurry and build a new one.

I've been watching today, but I haven't see any robins. I hope that means they decided to hurry and build a new nest. I think all the dead trees have been removed so hopefully this won't happen to them again.  



Life

I feel so disconnected from life right now with all that is going on. I wasn't going to blog about it, but right now I'm getting my blog ready to print my 2011 blog book, and it reminded me how much my blog serves as a journal, so I decided to go ahead and blog about recent events. A lot has happened, so I might get a few things out of order.
On Friday, March 16th, while at my hair and nail appointment, my mom called to say she was being checked into the local hospital with double pneumonia. (Let me note, but until now, I couldn't spell pneumonia.) She sounded okay, so I finished my appointment and then went home to do a few things before heading to town to see her. I visited for a while and she seemed ok enough. Then I went and watched Valex & Daxsen so Vanessa could go see her.

Saturday afternoon I was getting ready for my St. Patrick's Day party, so I just called to visit. When I called, she answered and said "I'm having trouble breathing, talk to you later." I stressed for a while, but then a few hours later she called back and sounded just fine.

Around 1:00 that morning I got a text from my sister saying that mom was not doing well and they were sending her out by life flight to SLC. Then at 2:30, my dad called. He was concerned because my brothers had decided to drive out to the city then, they didn't want to wait until morning. I knew I was too tired to do anything, so I texted my brothers and encouraged them to wait until morning. At 7:00 in the morning, I got a text from them advicing snow chains. They had hit a storm on their way out.

After that, I called my sister. She had decided she wasn't going to drive out until the weather cleared. Which in the end worked out, because later she realized Daxsen had a doctor appointment. So Monday afternoon, my sister and I drove out together. We dropped the boys off at Heather's and then headed to the hospital.

Friday, I thought my mom looked okay. But on Monday, she scared me. Cords and IV's running every where, including a ventilator down her throat. They also determined that she had had a heart attack, most likely in Roosevelt. It was so hard seeing her like that, but one of the hardest things, was seeing her tied down. When patients have a ventilator in, its standard procedure to tie their hands so they don't accidentally try to pull it out, usually while sleeping.

My brothers needed to come home for work and other things, my aunt had to go back to work and my grandma needed to go home for a break and then repack for a longer stay. So I volunteered to stay the night with mom so Vanessa could at least go back to Heather's and sleep with the boys. Then she would come back the next day.

The first night was LONG. Beeps and alarms go off pretty much 24/7. But the worst part was when nurses starting running up the hall and calling a dr. to say that a patient was coding and the dr. was needed NOW. I was too scared to even move. After a bit, my mom's (very AMAZING) nurse came in. He said that normally, its a little more quite, but they had 2 patients code at nearly the same time so chaos had broken out. He wanted us to know he was still watching after my mom, but might be busy for a while. After he left, I looked at my mom and told her she was NOT allowed to code out like her neighbors. She vigorously shook her head in agreeance.

Because of the ventilator, my mom couldn't talk. But she had a pen and paper so she could still communicate. She also tried charades, but I'm not very good at that.

Every one at the hospital was nice, but Robert was by far the very BEST. The first night I was there, my mom even wrote him a love note. By morning, I was in love too. He was the sweetest, gentlest, most caring nurse ever. He wasn't working the 2nd night and even though that nurse was good, I still missed Robert. I mentioned the hands tied down thing. During one of the many checks Robert did through out the night, we untied my mom's hands for a minute so she could write something out. When Robert went to retie them, he paused and asked my mom if she wanted them left untied. She shook her head yes. Robert said, "Do you know what they say Tammy? Never trust a patient. But tell you what, I'm going to trust you." We later decided it was a big deal that he did that, but I'm so grateful he did. When he went off shift in the morning, he told her that even though he had done that, it would be up to the next nurse whether they would do that or not. But he must have put in a good word because  they didn't tie her back down after that, even though she spent one more night on the ventilator.

Vanessa came to visit on Tuesday. Then she went back to Heather's that night because her boys needed her (they aren't use to not having her around). So I spent a 2nd night there. No one coded out, so it was much quieter and I slept as well as can be expected in a hospital. At one point in the night, her feeding tube plugged up. The nurse decided to move it a little and try to flush it again. After a few inches, it flushed out the clog. He said normally, they like the feeding tube in the intestines, but now it was most likely in her stomach. As long as she didn't get nauseous, that was fine. In the morning they did and xray, and it was in her stomach, which was fine for the moment.

Then the big moment came and they pulled the ventilator and a few of the many iv lines. They did have to put a mask on to help soothe her throat some. After a while on that, they helped my mom get out of bed to sit in a chair. (Which she had also done the day before.) While getting her up, the feeding tube came loose from her stomach, so they had to pull it. They couldn't promise to leave it out, but they would see what the speech therapist thought. The nurse told her to practice swallowing to increase her odds. Which worked because they let it stay out and she got to eat real food that night.

When Vanessa came to the hospital, she brought the boys with her. They couldn't go in to see my mom, but this way I could watch them in the waiting room and when we were ready to leave, we could head straight home.

Vanessa and I came home Wednesday afternoon. We stopped at the Dairy Keen in Heber on our way for lunch and Valex loved it.

Because mom was doing better, I didn't go out again until Sunday night on the hopes that she would be able to come home Tuesday. Yesterday they did an angiogram to look at her heart. All this time they have been telling us she would need a valve replaced, but this was to get a better look so we can make a game plan. The good news is they found no blockages. The bad news is she needs the surgery as soon as possible. I stayed until about 5:30 last night hoping to see the dr., but finally decided to head home. Of course he came in 30 minutes later!

IF the pneumonia clears up, they will operate on Thursday. But she still has fluid in her lungs, so its a big IF. I had hoped she would be able to come home between now and the surgery, but on the chance they can do it Thursday, they decided to just keep her there. I forgot to mention, that one doctor did try to release her Friday, but another doctor wanted her to wait until the angiogram test, so she had to stay. If they don't operate on Thursday, well, I don't know what. So as of now, we aren't sure when she gets to come home. She just knows she is tired of the hospital bed, walls, food, etc. and we all know we're ready to have her home. She is still on oxygen but other then that she seems well enough. She can move around on her own and even wanders the halls a few times during the day just for a different view.

To end this blog on a happy note, here is a few pictures of Valex and Daxsen I took when we stopped at the Dairy Keen.

The toy in Valex's kids meal was a blow up mace. After I blew it up, he tried to blow it up too. It wasn't until later that night he figured out it was for hitting people. Which he found just as fun, until we took it away because he hit close to his brother.

 

 Dairy Keen is also known as The Train. They have a train that runs around the top inside. Then they have other train displays and toys for the kids. Outside they have a train table. We ate inside, but before leaving, we let Valex sit on the train for a bit. He thought it was great fun. He posed for a few pictures, but then became more interested in the big trucks driving down the road.

*UPDATE: My mom came home on Wednesday. After spending 12 days in the hospital, she was glad to be out in the sunshine. Her surgery is scheduled for April 11th where she will be having open heart surgery to replace a valve. We are all glad to have her home and thrilled that she will be home for Easter (which is going to be at my house, which means its going to rock.) :)

The most expensive way to fix a car

 It started to snow on December 17th, 2010. It snowed all night. Then it snowed all day the next day. And the next night. On Sunday of that week we tried to get my car out of the driveway, with no such luck. It was STUCK. Luckily our neighbor took pity on us and came and plowed us out. Which only helped for a little while, because it was still snowing. It snowed for several days without stopping. By the time it quit we had 3 feet of snow. Since then my car has been stuck 5 times. Its just not meant for this kind of weather.

 Look closely in the photo below, my car is there...somewhere.

We had one more big storm after that one that gave us another foot of snow. Then on New Year's Eve it turned COLD. We went to my cousins for dinner and when we left at 2AM to head home, the car wouldn't start. No surprise, it was -14. Brrr. Luckily we had taken both vehicles so we hopped in the truck and headed home. On Sunday, we went back down and tried to start it. No luck. We called my dad and he came to look at it. He wasn't sure what was wrong, but he figured it all lead to one thing, it was just too cold. I left the keys so Jessica could try it every day on her lunch break. On Monday it started, only to die again. On Tuesday we decided to tow it to a sunnier spot hoping if it got enough sunlight it would warm up and start. 

I love my Ford Focus. I love how it is small enough to fit in tight spaces. Any other time of the year it drives beautifully, but if there is a few inches of snow, I'm in trouble. 

The solution only cost several thousand dollars.

 I test drove this escape home on Monday night and by Wednesday I had the loan approved to purchase it. It gets around wonderfully and I am in LOVE with it. My dream car has always been a Ford Escape.

On Friday my dad tried to start my old car. It fired right up. Which was a relief since I traded it in for my down payment. But it still seems ironic that the car would only start after I bought something new.

We will miss you Baby

Sometimes things don't go well. Sometimes you do all you can, but the miracle you pray for doesn't happen. Sometimes life sucks. We will miss you Baby.

Formspring question answered - Adoption questions you don't like

What adoption question are you sick of people asking? by jilleb163

*Stepping on soapbox

Where do I start? I hate it when people imply that by adopting, you will automatically become pregnant. They may know someone who did adopt and become pregnant. I know those people too. But for every couple that has adopted and then gotten pregnant, I can name 10 that adopted and then didn't get pregnant.

Couples don't choose to adopt just because they can't get pregnant. A lot of couples can get pregnant, but for different infertility reasons, they can't carry their child full-term and their pregnancy ends in a miscarriage, still birth, or pre-mature birth and death.

But I also know the hundreds that adopt. And then they adopt again. And again. But they never do get pregnant (or they do, but they still continue to have the problems listed above). Here's the kicker. Apparently the only way to never, ever, ever get pregnant, is to never have sex.

For me personally, I couldn't explore adoption until I had come to terms with never being pregnant. It was a tough battle. But I can honestly say that I have NO desire to ever be pregnant. In fact, the thought of it scares me to death.

*Continuing on my soapbox

I don't like it when people try to make this big distinction between adopted children and biological children. They make it sound like biological children are real and adopted children aren't.

From my favorite adoption book, "The Adoption Decision" I like to quote:

Natural child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your own child: Any child who is yours to love.
Adopted child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is loved.

If I'm in sassy mood, I'll also ask you, "Was your child born vaginally or by c-section?"

An adopted child is no different than a biological child. You love them just as much. You are the mother to them in all the same ways you would be to a biological child. You give them a home, food, clothes, discipline, love. You give your entire heart to a child, no matter what way they join your family. To me, the only difference is, if I could get pregnant, my child would join my family in nine months. Because we are adopting, we have been paper pregnant for 2 years, 3 months, and 6 days (with still no end in sight).

*Yep, still on my soapbox
I don't like it when people question our chosen adoption path. Every family makes their own adoption choice. Some choose international. Some choose to foster-to-adopt. I may be okay with never getting pregnant, but I want the entire baby experience. Please don't question me on my own feelings. And don't try to change them.

*Still on my soapbox and now getting more personal
When we told people about meeting C, I hated the automatic judgments they passed. "How young is she?" "Is this her first time pregnant?" "Is the dad a steady boyfriend?" Some of their questions made me want to vomit. I HATE the assumptions people make about girls considering adoption. These women LOVE their unborn child, more then they love themselves. These women are upstanding women who made a mistake. Guess what, all people make mistakes. No one is immune from it.

*Another personal experience
The biggest irritation when we told people about C was their very first response, "What if she changes her mind." Yes, I realize that she did end up changing her mind. But I hated it because I felt like I wasn't even allowed to be happy about being chosen. I felt like they were already assuming the worse. We waited almost 2 years to get chosen, and THAT is what people had to say about it? My usual response was "We aren't going to think about that. We are going to enjoy every minute of this." I have no regrets there. We did enjoy every minute. If we get chosen again, I will do the same thing. I'm not going to think about the "what if's." Every one else shouldn't either.

*Getting off soapbox.

Ask me a question on Formspring. Also be sure to view my page there, I'm not posting all the questions and answers on my blog.

We have just learned that people are sending hate mail to a very precious 16 year old girl. We will not tolerate that. If you have something hateful to say, keep it to your self, maybe you'll choke on the words. If I learn who is doing these mean things I will find my own ways to retaliate. If you are sending these mean messages, I am not your friend anymore.

Adoption thoughts to the undwed mother

Why is it that when people talk about adoption, they do so like it's a loveless act? Considering adoption DOES NOT mean the mother doesn't loves her child. Considering adoption DOES NOT mean the mother is trying to find a quick fix to her situation.

Birth mom's aren't cool, they are AMAZING. The love a birth mom has for her child is a greater love then anyone can ever understand.

I have yet to meet a birth mom who says they placed their child because they didn't want to raise it themselves. More than anything in the world, a birth mom WANTS to raise their baby on their own. If it was just about them, they would. But when they learn they are pregnant, its no longer about just them, it's about the child they carry. The child they LOVE.

This month I seem to be even more passionate about adoption. Maybe it's because we have our own birth mom now, so any assault on adoption feels like a direct attack on my family. Why can't adoption be portrayed more positively in the media? And I don't just mean Hollywood. Movies get it wrong all the time, but so do books, magazines and newspapers. I read an article this week that has spurned all this anger. And yet, I know I shouldn't be this mad. It's not the person's fault that they are uneducated. It's not their fault they can't see adoption as the loving decision that it really is.

If I could talk to these people, this is what I would say.

Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is not about making a problem disappear. A birth mom does not place her child and then walk away and forget that child. They never stop loving that child. Adoption is about trying to take an ugly thing and turning it into something beautiful. As a single, unwed expectant mother, you probably never expected to find yourself pregnant and alone. Already that child is loved and depending on you. You don't make an adoption plan because you don't want the child. By making an adoption plan you show that you are a good mother because you are doing the best you can to give your child the best in life. Adoption isn't really about you. Adoption really isn't about me. Its about the child.

Last night...

Last night was Josh's first night of class. It was an unadventurous night for him. Last night was also my first night home alone waiting for him to get home from class. It could have been adventurous for me, but I was off in my own little world watching TV and crocheting. I almost pulled out of it, when I was rudely interrupted by Zipper jumping from the kitchen cupboards/wall onto the couch and nearly landing in my lap. I scolded him, and then went back to crocheting.

That is when I started to hear a noise, a high pitched squeak. I looked over at the cats a few times to see them looking intently at the computer desk. I went over a few times, but each time I got there the noise stopped and I couldn't see anything.

About that time Josh called to say he was on his way home from class. We talked for a minute and "The Big Bang Theory" came back on so I hung up. About a half an hour later I called to see if he was closer and if I should warm his dinner up. While visiting with him, I heard the noise again and it seemed louder, so I hung up and went to investigate. That's hard to do with kitties in the way. Finally I got a half decent look behind the desk and I could see something fuzzy. I called Josh back and told him a mouse was stuck behind the desk.

I was all ready when he got home. I had the chairs pushed out of the way, the broom found, and kitties there to help as backup. I was also perched on the kitchen table so I could view the action, but not have to worry about it climbing up my leg.

Seconds later I was running down the hall, with the kitties. I locked myself in the bedroom and yelled at Josh to come get me when it was safe. What inspired this quick retreat? I was wrong, it wasn't a mouse...it was a bat.

Josh was able to save me from the creature. We don't know how it got stuck, and I've decided Zipper was on the wall chasing it (hence the great leap off). Josh had to use our fire tongs to pinch it's wing and get it out. I didn't come out of the bedroom until he assured me it was dead. I can't decide if I'm glad I didn't notice it before it got stuck or not. I probably would have really freaked out if I had, so I think it was a good thing.

Here is some fun trivia to make your stomach roll. Did you know if you have a bat encounter, chances are you have been bitten by a bat? Their bites are so small you don't even feel them. Oh, and this is my 3rd bat encounter. I had one as a child and about a year ago we woke up to find Zipper had killed one during the night.

Tamiflu should be a diet drug

Firstly, because if you need this drug, lets face it: you are too sick to be eating anyway. You cut out tons of calories when you are this sick. And don't worry, if you suddenly think you are well enough to eat, your body will remind you that you aren't and it will do what it needs to reverse your eating efforts.

When you do start to actually feel better after a few days rest, Tamiflu is still there. If you take the pill without food, it will make you think you are sick once again and you will desire no food. Or if you read the label and see that this pill should be taken with food, you will eat as little as possible because Tamiflu makes it all taste the same... like crap. Even chocolate will no longer taste good while Tamiflu is in your system.

But despite that, I am glad to be feeling better. The first half of the week is a blur to me. I may or may not have napped in the doctor's office and followed that with a good, long cry on the phone with hubby (that freaked him out) because I was still tired. That or maybe I cried because I was informed that I had the Type 1 Influenza and should avoid ALL people. A lot of good that did me. I had to hitch a ride to the doctor because my car wouldn't start, and now that person is sick.

I also made sure to have a mattress in the front room so I could sleep in front of the TV when I was sick of sleeping in the bed. And that must be a lot of sleeping, because I never tire of sleeping in my bed, well except after countless hours... I was even to sick to do any of my favorite relaxing activities such as: read, crochet, or even soak in the tub. How sick can a person get?

Oh, and despite his best efforts (like drinking from my cup, trying to kiss me, insisting that he really does get more sleep with me coughing on him than if I were to sleep in another room, and even taking his temperature "just for fun," right after I did) Josh didn't get sick. That is so unfair! Well, maybe not. Just because I suffered doesn't mean he should to. We all know how men get when they don't feel well...

We haven't rescheduled our camping trip yet, but we will soon. After an entire week off of work, I get to return to the work force on Monday and that is when I will beg for more days off so we can take our long awaited trip.

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Sunday night I was sick and went to bed a little early. When the alarm went off Monday morning, I couldn't help but think, "oh, if I'm still sick I don't have to go to work today." But I got up and felt just fine. Until I opened the fridge...

I ended up getting the day off anyways because our fridge went out and we needed to get a new one. Last night this guy showed up in the field in by our house. We had fun watching him for a few minutes.

For three year olds???

I was browsing around the Internet when I saw an AD for a PDA...for 3 year olds. What has our world come to that we think we need to give children their own PDA? I can't believe the people I see everyday that can't go a second without their cell phones and other technological devices. I had a guy come in earlier this week to start a new account. I kid you not.... he would write a few letters and then push a button on his cell phone (which looked like it was permanently attached to his ear). Five minutes later he was only to the 3rd line!

And don't get me started on people's grammar. It drives me nuts! Last month I was invited to the Jr. High to help with their "Reality Town." They take a student's GPA and based on that assign them a career. They also are randomly assigned families. Then they are given a list of bills and told to go pay everything. It was really interesting and I think it is a great thing for the students. These students are in 7th and 8th grade. Some of them couldn't spell! I just couldn't believe it.
Just so everyone knows, we turn our cell phones off when we get home and don't turn them on AT ALL during the weekend. And if that isn't shocking enough...we also DON'T text. That's right, we use our cell phones are regular telephones; we use them to call and talk to other people on their phones.

On a completely different subject. I was slated for an hour off of work today and I have no idea why. I've had the feeling all week I was supposed to do something on Wednesday, but I don't know what. But now I need time off tomorrow so I guess I'll put in a full day today... Stay tuned tomorrow for something new!

Letter to the editor

There was an article in the local paper this week that upset me. If you have a thick stomach you can read it HERE. I was sick to think that a pregnant girl would do such a thing, but I was also upset because I thought the least the paper could do was insert just a little box about adoption or at least Utah's Safe Haven Law. So after much stewing I decided that I didn't care what others thought, I was not going to be silent over this issue. Here is the letter I sent to the two local, weekly papers.

Dear Editor,
Here is a letter I would like to submit for next weeks paper in the letters to the editor section of the paper. If you have any questions or concerns feel free to email me at sourbonk@yahoo.com or call my cell phone at 733-0476. I also hope the paper could do an editorial on adoption options or maybe even just do a highlight on the Utah Safe Haven Law. Maybe if people were better educated, the incident with the pregnant teen would have never happened.
-------------------------

Do some people have no regard for life? I was shocked and appalled to hear about the teen who asked a stranger to help her find a way to abort her baby.

I sometimes feel like people can be so closed minded when it comes to an unwanted pregnancy. This girl was almost done with her pregnancy. Why, after 7 months, would she take such drastic measures to help clear away what she felt was a problem in her life.

As someone who suffers from infertility this is especially troubling to me. Didn't she realize that someone would love the chance to parent that child and to give it the life it deserves. If she had already gone through 7 months of pregnancy, what was two more months.

There are other options she could have considered if she didn't want to parent the child herself. Adoption is another choice and it is a beautiful choice. I know countless couples like ourselves who would love be parents, but due to medical issues are denied the children they dream about.

I can't understand why people go around acting like they think they are adults and then when the consequences of their actions come, they suddenly do childlike acts, such as thinking that letting a person beat them up will make things better.

Did this young girl know that she could choose a family to place her child with? There are several agencies whose only goal is to help an expectant mother decide what is best for her and her baby. They help the young girls come to terms with the change in their life and discuss all their options. Is a marriage possible? If not, do you want to single parent? And if not, they have hundreds of profiles of families who are looking to adopt.

And if a young girl didn't feel comfortable going to an agency, most churches will provide the same kind of advice and help. The churches aren't there to belittle the person and make them feel bad about what has happened. They want to help these girls overcome the problem and find a solution. They are there to give comfort and support.

There is also another option available to a young mother who decides she isn't ready to parent a child. Utah has a Safe Haven Law. Because of this law, a young girl can take her child to a hospital and leave it with the staff there. They won't ask her who she is and they won't call the police on her. The hospital will make sure the baby receives the care it needs and the state will place the child with a loving family.

I hope the police will do what is right for this baby and I hope the baby won't have any lasting effects of what was done.

I need a pick me up...

We were contacted by another scammer.

So in trying to lift my spirits and restore my hope I found these great videos about adoption.

Kittens have a new rule

DO NOT BRING YOUR FOOD/TOYS TO BED.

THERE IS NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE.

The only question I feel like answering is, yes, at least it was already dead.
For a complete list of rules, check out this POST.

Signs that it might be a bad day...

You hit a deer before the sun is even up.

Yep, that about sums up my morning. I was on my way to work today and hit a deer. Luckily my passenger and I were not injured and I was only 5 minutes late for work! My day did get a little better when I learned my deductible is only $100.

Josh thinks I should get a picture with the deer... isn't he soooo funny!