22. A song that makes you cry (or nearly and why).

Its been a while since a song made me cry so I'll go with the last 2 songs I can remember crying to.

"Need You Now," by Lady Antebellum http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg. The 1st time we met C, this song was playing on the radio when we left her house. Josh said that he was going to make this her song. Weird, I know. I told him a breakup song couldn't be her song. But he said it was also on the radio when we left our house to head out to meet her so it would always remind him of her. Lets just say, the first time I heard this song after being unchosen, I lost it.

The other song that makes me cry is "Hello World" by Lady Antebellum, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al2DFQEZl4M . (Kind of gives you an idea how much I love these guys! But SheDaisy is still my favorite group.) I've heard the song before, but for some reason it really shot out to me at the beginning of this year. I was tired of being depressed all the time and it seemed like a wake up call to open my eyes and heart and enjoy everything around me. When I life starts to get me down, I listen to this song.

Hello World

"Well, hello world, how you been?

Good to see you, my old friend

Sometimes I feel as cold as steel

And broken like I'm never going to heal

I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurl

Well, hello world"

One of my New Years Resolutions is to try to find more joy in everyday life. Infertility has held me prisoner for too long. I became so caught up in my infertility that I lost everything else about me. Now I slowly feel like I am rediscovering myself. I can't be a mom, but I can still be other things.

I am a wife.

I am an aunt.

I am a mom to too many cats.

I am a friend.

I am a crafter.

I am a somewhat good cook.

I am a wanna be amateur photographer.

I am a over zealous blogger.

I am someone who enjoys good company.

I am someone who enjoys reading.

I am someone who enjoys girls nights.

I am someone who loves learning new things.

I am a child of God.

I think I still have a ways to go before I feel complete and content with the life I have, but I'm enjoying my journey as I look for other ways to enjoy life.

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls

Top video screams at me through my tinted windows I see

A little girl, rust red minivan

She's got chocolate on her face, got little hands

And she waves at me, yeah, she smiles at me

Well, hello world, how you been?

Good to see you, my old friend

Sometimes I feel as cold as steel

Broken like I'm never going to heal

I see a light, a little hole, and a little girl

Well hello world

Every day I drive by a little white church

Its got these little white crosses like angels in the yard

Maybe I should stop in and say a prayer

Maybe talk to God like he is there

Oh, I know He's there, yeah, I know He's there

Well, hello world, how you been?

Good to see you, my old friend

Sometimes I feel as cold as steel

And broken like I'm never going to heal

I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurl

Well, hello world

Sometimes I forget what livings for and I hear my life

through my front door

And I'll be there, oh, I'm home again

I see my wife, little boy, little girl

Hello world, hello world

All the empty disappears, I remember why I'm here

Just surrender and believe, I fall down on my knees

Oh, hello world, hello world

Hello world

(Lady Antebellum "Hello world" lyrics found on http://www.songlyrics.com/)

Day in the city

I love trips to the city! Yesterday Jessica and I went to the city. Our first stop ended up being our favorite stop of the day. We went to the Robert's Crafts in Sandy because they were having some good sales and make a take projects.

First we made these cute little gifts bags. I was blown away when they told me they cut these out with the Cricut machine! I am going to order this cartridge!

Now I just need to fill it with goodies so I can give it to my nephew. :)

Then we made this little notepads. They were so fun and I wanted to buy the machine, but.....well, I'm still trying to justify it.

I was also able to buy a few cake supplies. I bought a round and a rectangular cake carrier along with some frosting tips and other fun cake things. Next week I want to make a cake for the 4th of July so I also bought some nice round cake pans. I can't wait to make the cake!

Then we headed to The Quilted Bear. I was surprised at check out and how much I spent. I usually spend a lot more.

A fun new key chain. I love the little fish and the cat standing by the milk jug!

A fun magnet that has magnets in all the paws so you can arrange it in different positions.

In the last few months we have decided to no longer hold back all the fun things we want to do because of the what ifs of life. This magnet and the plaque below are perfect!

Jessica found these cute little jars and they were only $2! So we each got one. We made several other stops, including the Olive Garden. I've decided their Alfredo sauce is about as close to heavenly food that you can get. We went to a few more craft stores, including the new Hobby Lobby. Usually we spend more time clothes shopping, but this trip we spent more time at the craft stores.

The other fun thing I bought was a few cat towers, but they can be connected together. The blue hammock on the left side is actually part of the last tower. I only bought one end piece and thought I would use the hammock until I can get another end piece.

Smiles from friends

The Post Office is quickly becoming my favorite place to go. (Check out this POST to see when the love started.)

About 2 weeks ago I got a fun package in the mail from Shannon.

Love the chocolate.

Love the candle.

Love the decorative boxes.

Love the treats for the kitties.

LOVE the sign.

Today I received two more fun packages in the mail.

This one was from Joanna.

The bag is perfect for the cake decorating class I start tomorrow night to help me haul my supplies back and forth.

The lotion and lip balm smell so good.

I love the kitchen towels. (My collection has grown over the last few months, which is nice, since I don't think I've really bought new kitchen towels since our first year of marriage.)

The shopping list pad is already on my fridge, that will be so handy. I always get to the store and wish I had a list.

I can't wait to try the face mask out tonight; recently I complained to Josh that the alarm clock is too bright.

There is also some beautiful stationary and a relaxing bath ball.

I should have taken a close up shot of the magnets. They say: read this, do this, take this, eat this, or else, or suffer, or not, 'cause I say so.

The last package was from Kirsti. I love how springy it looks. She knows I have a love for sunflowers in my kitchen, but she pointed out something I have never noticed. Here is what she wrote in her card: "I love the analogy of the sunflower. How it follows the light of the sun with its head up. If we also follow our Savior with confidence, eve in our trials, we will received strength. (And be beautiful too!) Thank you so muck Kirti, I needed to be reminded of that.

Her package included lots of beautiful flower things :)

Stationary, gift bags, cards, a note holder, kitten stickers, super cute buckets, and folders (which I can't wait to put in my filing cabinet ((which I really need to organize)) ).

She made the painting herself. I LOVE IT!

I seem to spend a ton of time on the computer, so I decided to hang both of the signs right above it so I can see them often and remember their messages.

Thank you ladies, you are awesome. Your packages really came on perfect days to cheer up an otherwise icky day.

Family Block Kits

My cousins and I got together this week to put our family block kits from the Idea Closet together.

The first kit you can modge podge a cardstock picture onto, but I decided to just tape a wallet sized picture on so I can change it each year. I LOVE the saying on this kit, it really helps me remember how much I love Josh and it will be okay if it is just the two of us forever.

The second kit came with papers that were cream and black, but I knew this paper would fit our family better. Its the Sarsaparilla kit from Close to My Heart.

I love getting together with these women. They married my cousins, but quickly became family. I remember growing up I didn't like to play with my cousins (cause they were boys), but I am so glad they married such wonderful women and that we have become such close friends. I love you guys so much.

For Patrick

Yes, you read that right. I am making a PINK blanket for a little boy named Patrick. Why does Patrick need a pink blanket? Actually, he doesn't. What Patrick needs is a life-saving small bowel transplant.

I met Patrick's parents through one of my infertility support groups. I remember there was an email that came through about a little boy in Michigan needing a family. A short time later Emily emailed the group to say they were adopting the little boy. I was so happy for them.

Patrick was born with Short Gut Syndrome. You can go to his website HERE. It is estimated that his transplant will cost well over $500,000. His family has insurance, but it won't cover the full cost.

On May 1st his family is sponsoring a concert and a silent auction to raise money for the transplant and associated costs. That is where my pink blanket comes in. I am going to put together a few packages to donate to the silent auction. To me it doesn't seem like much, but to his family, every penny will help their little boy.

To learn how you can donate for the silent auction go HERE. Or leave a comment and I will help you get in touch with his family. If you don't have anything to donate to the auction, but still want to donate money, they have a donation link HERE.

I couldn't say it better myself

Family Fast

The Church designates one Sunday each month, usually the first Sunday, as a day of fasting. Proper observance of fast Sunday includes going without food and drink for two consecutive meals, attending fast and testimony meeting, and giving a fast offering to help care for those in need.

As members of the church, we can fast for many purposes. Fasting is one way of worshiping God and expressing gratitude to Him. We can fast as we ask Heavenly Father to bless the sick or afflicted. Fasting may help us and those we love receive personal revelation and become converted to the truth. Through fasting we can gain strength to resist temptation. We can fast as we strive to humble ourselves before God and exercise faith in Jesus Christ. We may fast to receive guidance in sharing the gospel and magnifying Church callings. Fasting may accompany righteous sorrow or mourning.

To read more of what our church says about Fasting, please visit this LINK.

Most times we fast for personal reasons and personal growth. But there is strength in numbers and sometimes members will choose to fast for a common thing. This Sunday we have asked family and friends to join us in a fast for our adoption plan. It would be awesome if this fast resulted in our getting chosen, but we are also asking for family and friends to fast that we can receive the comfort we so desperately seek. We are fasting that we may align ourselves with God's plan.

If you like, please join your prayers with ours on Sunday.

Lessons Learned

I was just listening to Pandora Radio and this song by Carrie Underwood came on.

I LOVE IT!

Lessons Learned

There's some things that I regret,

Some words I wish had gone unsaid,

Some starts,

That had some better endings,

Been some bad times I've been through,

Damage I cannot undo.

Some things,

I wish I could do all all over again,

But it don't really matter,

When life gets that much harder,

It makes you that much stronger,

Oh, some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were,

Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,

And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,

Every change, life has thrown me,

I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,

I'm grateful, for every scar,

Some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,

Some chances I just threw away,

Some roads,

I never should have taken,

Been some signs I didn't see,

Hearts that I hurt needlessly,

Some wounds,

That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,

But it don't make no difference,

The past can't be rewritten,

You get the life you're given,

Oh, some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were,

Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,

And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,

Every change, life has thrown me,

I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,

I'm grateful, for every scar,

Some pages turned,Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,

Are the things that make you strong!

You can't change the past,

Cause it's gone.

And you just gotta move on,

Because it's all Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,

From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,

From every change, life has thrown me.

I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,

I'm grateful, for every scar,

Some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned,

Oh, some pages turned,

Some bridges burned,

But there were lessons learned.

I had an AWESOME experience today

I decided it fit better on my infertility blog, so go read about it HERE. It involves the dentist, and don't get to excited while reading it because it doesn't lead to a baby, but it was still the most awesome experience I've had in a long time.

Won't you be my Prince of Peace?

I found this on a new blog that I found (thanks to Rants & Rambles for finding me first!)
All I can say is....WOW

Meeting online friends

Saturday was a great day. We woke up early and I sent Josh out the door to help my mom pour cement and then I hit the road and headed to Provo. The r house blog had a meet and great idea exchange for promoting adoption. When I saw the RSVP list of who was going I just had to go too! It was so much fun. I have so many ideas that I can't wait to put into action. I will probably be spending some serious time on the computer this week designing a new profile. I will try to highlight some of the finding ideas on our FSA chapter blog over the next few weeks. I had so much fun meeting everyone there and getting to know them in person.
I decided that since I was in the city I would do some shopping. I went to my favorite store, The Dress Barn and was very pleased with some pants and tops I bought.

Then being the dear wife I am, I went to Sportsman's Warehouse and bought a few things for my hubby. While I was there I noticed two things: There was a Quilted Bear three stores down and in the parking lot I noticed this car.

I parked next to it and the kid asked me to run a full and empty toilet paper roll into a store and give them to someone. She didn't look too happy. I don't understand why, he used a really good expensive, soft tissue paper.

I've only been to the Quilted Bear once and Josh was with me. I had to hurry through because he wasn't that impressed. But this time I was able to browse at my own pace. I bought several blankets for my latest time relaxing project, crocheting, and I can't wait to get them done. They are so cute.

I also found a few pictures that I have been looking for.

So true, so very true.

And this one to me describes adoption perfectly.

A few weeks ago I was also able to find a picture that Josh loves. It is of Joseph and Emma and the twins they adopted. It really is priceless. The book store was having a great sale and so I decided to get this picture for him. I couldn't find it as a picture, but I did find it as a greeting card, so I had them frame that.

I need a pick me up...

We were contacted by another scammer.

So in trying to lift my spirits and restore my hope I found these great videos about adoption.

Malachi 3:3

A friend sent me this email today. It is just what I needed to hear.

Malachi 3:3 says:
"He sill sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all impurities.
The women thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.
The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'
He smiled at her and answered,
'Oh, that's easy...when I see my image in it.'

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Adoption Happens in Nature Too

Wow, things in the adoption world never cease to amaze me!

I think this video was my favorite. Thank you Jessica for sharing it with me.

I stole this from another blog

But since it was a quote by an Apostle of our church, I guess it's not really stealing (which is a good thing because our church frowns upon the kind of thing). But the quote was so good that I wanted to post it here. The blog I got it from is Inky Smiles; she does a thought every Thursday and I always look forward to them.

"Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. ... It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance."In the language of the gospel, this hope is sure, unwavering, and active. The prophets of old speak of a 'firm hope' (Alma 34:41) and a 'lively hope' (1 Peter 1:3). It is a hope glorifying God through good works. With hope comes joy and happiness. With hope, we can 'have patience, and bear . . . [our] afflictions' (Alma 34:41)."

~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Touch of Faith

I have been looking for this picture for a few weeks now. A local store had a sale this weekend (40% off everything), so I went in and was determined to not leave without this picture. (I also bought some new books!)

Touch of Faith depicts a woman reaching through the crowd to touch the hem of Christ's garment. The story is told in Mark 5:25-34."And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,
And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse.
When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.
For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.
And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.
And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?
And his disciples said unto him, Thous seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.
But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.
And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of they plague."

I used to think that I had that kind of faith. When we first started the fertility pills I just knew that if I could touch my Savior I would be healed and would be able to become a mother. I contemplated stocking church headquarters in hopes of catching a glimpse of our Prophet, knowing he too could give me the healing I thought my body needed.

I know now that wasn't meant to be. It doesn't make my faith any less, I've just had to refocus it elsewhere. I know that my Savior could heal us and make us parents, but He must be able to see something that I can't see and He knows when the time will be right for us to get a baby, for us to have a chance at being parents. While I was digging through my scriptures looking for this story I stumbled on a thought I wrote in there who knows how many years ago...

"Faith keeps us trying when otherwise we might give up."

At times I do want to give up. The waiting and uncertainty are so hard to deal with sometimes. Everyday I see people and I know I could be better parents than them. I would buckle my child up in the car, I would realize that if I am cold and need a coat than maybe they are cold too and I would not only put a coat on them but also their socks and shoes. I would make sure that they knew they were loved.

I get so restless thinking that maybe today our birth mother will find us. Maybe someday I will be a mother. Everyone in the adoption world talks about how it will happen when it's supposed to happen, but it's hard to wait on the unknown. I know someday my joy will be complete, but what am I supposed to do until then?