She met someone else.
She feel in love with someone else.
We are left with a lot of questions and not many answers.
I will be taking a break from blogging (maybe even the entire internet world). Already I have gone through all the stages of grief and I'm afraid if I blog during the angry part, I will say things I regret.
I still love her, I think I always will. When women find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy, 50% of them choose abortion, 49% choose to single parent and 1% will put their child before themselves and make an adoption plan. When we started the process we were told that girls in their teens wouldn't even think about adoption. She is already fighting agianst all those odds so even though I am hurt and upset, I can't hate her.
Comment moderation is still on. Please don't say anything mean. Placing her little girl for adoption will be the hardest decision she will ever make. We know she loves her child more than anything and that is all that matters.
We don't know what we will do now, so please don't ask. I am reliving all of my worst infertility moments and just don't want to think about the future right now.
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55 comments:
oh my Savannah!! I am so sorry! I can't even tell you how sad I am for you right now. I just want you to know that you have a friend who knows how this all feels too. Please please please email me if you need to talk.
bellykell441@gmail.com
Kelly
I cannot imagine the pain that you and Josh are feeling right now. I'm am here for you, 24/7 for anything that you both need. I will continue to pray for Celeste to find peace and I have already put yours and Josh's names in the temple. May the prayers of others help to ease your sorrow. I'm heartbroken for both of you. Please know how much I love you both!
Savannah...I am so so sorry. I can't even imagine what you are going through.
I wish I could take the pain away for you. I wish that I could just give amazing, incredible people like you a baby. You deserve it. You are in my prayers. I want to help in any possible way I can so please let me know if there is anything I can do.
Savannah - ((((HUGS))))
I am so sorry. If you ever need anything... email me. You and Josh are loved so much, our hearts and prayers are with you.
We Love you Both. My prayers go out to you!
Savannah. You are loved.
Savannah,
I am so sorry. I know at this point nothing helps. I know. We've been there. It hurts. If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me. ;) Sending sunshine and prayers your way!
Oh Savannah. I'm so very sorry. You're right, she is fighting against all the odds and you can't hate that. It is in fact about the baby afterall. That said, it's totally crappy for you and it's okay to hurt right now. It's okay to cry as much as you want. I know you're a strong person and you will overcome this.
in my darkest hours, i have found comfort knowing that the Lord has the power to make an ugly thing beautiful.
“The Lord hath anointed me … to give … beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:1, 3).
He has done that for me. He will do that for you.
you handled it with such grace.
Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come.
~Joseph F. Smith
you are in my prayers.
xoxox
I am so very sorry. Please hang in there, the Lord is mindful of you and your needs. Someday I hope you can look back and things will make sense.
CS Lewis "God can make good of all that happens. But the loss is real." Your loss is very real and I am so sorry for it. I hope your healing comes swiftly. And I hope with all my heart that your baby finds you very soon.
((hugs))
Oh no Savannah, this breaks my heart. I can't imagine what you are going through right now. You have every right to be upset, this is so sad. Hang in there, I will keep you in my prayers. I know nothing helps, but sometimes just knowing that you are being thought of when you are going through something seems to help me. So if it helps at all, I'm thinking of you. So sorry.
Kira
My heart goes out to you. Infertility has already been such a huge roller coaster and now to be going through so much of it again is quite a trauma. You and your husband will be in my prayers. I pray that you find the peace and comfort that you need right now.
Savannah, I don't have the words...I hope you feel the strength of those that love you both right now. I love you.
Just wanted to leave you some love. I know this is an insanely painful time for you, or I can only imagine. Just know that I am thinking of you and hope the pain subsides sooner than later.
My eyes and heart are full for you. It is a hard, hard thing to understand why and how this can happen and have all that hope ripped away. I also understand the love you have for her in spite of your pain. I will remember her in my prayers as well.
I know the last thing you want to hear right now is for somebody to tell you it's gonna be okay, so that's not what I'm going to say. I will just say that looking back at when we went through the same thing, I remember the pain. It's like a death. Our little Carter kept asking where baby brother was and I had to try to explain that he wasn't coming to our family right then anymore. The Lord knows your grief in this moment and He may be the only one who truly can succor you right now. I pray that he will bring you both peace and that your home can be filled with it. Just know we'll be thinking of you and that you will be in our prayers.
Please let us know if and when you're ready to move forward with adoption efforts again. We want to help in any way that we can.
We haven't officially met, but I hope if you need anything from far away that you'll ask because we are friends through our experiences.
Oh I am so so sorry for you, your husband, and your whole family. What an indescribable loss for you all. Is it normal for someone who will be placing their child to still look for potential adoptive parents even after they have found their "match"?
All I can say is I hope you find peace soon. I can't imagine the pain you are all feeling and how betrayed you must feel.
-Marci
I am so sorry... We will keep you in our prayers... I can't even begin to imagine the pain you are feeling right now. Stay strong there is a little one out there just for YOU! XOXO
Oh no no no no no!!! NO!!! I am so sorry Savannah! My heart is broken for you and am I amazed at your strength. I can't even imagine how you feel right now. Prayers are with you! I wish we lived closer, I would so bring over some chocolate and listen to you cry! Let me know if there is anything I can do from over here! Hang in there, love ya!
As a birthmother I can honestly say with all of my heart there is a birthmother for every family. I am sure that words cannot express how you feel at this moment in time and my heart goes out to you. But keep moving along, your birthmother and your baby is somewhere out there and will come to you!
Jessalynn
www.birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com
Honey I'm so sorry for your loss. All four of you are in my prayers. If there's anything I can do please let me know.
Lots of love.
Oh Savannah! I am so sorry! I can't even imagine what you guys must be feeling, but you're in my thoughts and prayers!
*tears* I really wish I didn't understand this pain. Oh how I do...if you ever need to talk...PLEASE feel free to lean on me! xoxo in my thoughts and prayers today and always.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I wish there was more I could say. I heard from Ashley at Feigning Fertility.
Sending prayers of COMFORT your way (from a concerned stranger).
I am so sorry! I am new to your blog but feel so bad for your loss. You have a lot of strength, your post was beautiful and I admire your respect to the young woman. I think people don't realize this feels just like a miscarriage. The pain is acute. My heart is with you as you and your husband grieve. You'll be in our prayers. God bless!
I am so very sorry... You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Tara
I love ya and you know I'm right across the hall at work if you need anything. And I'm just right down the road when from home....
I'm so so sorry! We, too, know exactly how you feel (and it isn't pretty!) We'll keep you in our prayers.
Shelby
Savannah and Josh, I am so so sorry this has happened. Having buried a child and experienced two failed adoptions, I can tell you that the grief is very similar between the two experiences. Don't let anyone demean your grieving process- it is normal and it's OK to let yourself experience those emotions. My husband was very impressed after meeting you two and he's always asking how things are going for you. So I'm sure he will be happy to fast for you this Sunday. If there's anything we can do for you, please let me know. You are in our prayers often and will continue to be.
Savannah, I don't know you but my heart hurts for you right now. You are in my heart and prayers.
My sister Julie blogged about your loss and I just wanted to send thoughts your way. I am so sorry this happened.
I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say. I wish I did. I wish there were some magic words that would make everything all right. But in situations like this, words fail. I'll try anyway ...
I think your continued love for her is admirable.
Allow yourself to grieve as much and as long as you need to. Even if you don't blog when you're angry, write down what you think and feel. It helps a little.
You all are in my prayers.
Oh Savannah my heart just dropped. I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. Don't give up. You were meant to be a mother and it will happen for you.
We'll be praying for you. (hugs)
My heart aches for you. I wish I knew something I could do to lessen your pain.
I don't know what there is to say but that I am truly sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that will make you feel better. I truly pray for you. I am sorry that you have to go through this I know that you are great people and good stuff has to happen to good people like yourselves. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I don't think I will be able to sleep sound tonight just thinking of this. I am so truly sorry. My heart goes out to you.
Count me in on prayers in your behalf, too. So sorry.
May another door be opened for you soon.
Savannah,
I'm so very sorry. I know there aren't words to help the pain go away. I remember when we started our journey our friend, who had 4 failed adoptions told us, "Protect your heart." It was something I didn't fully understand until when we arrived at the hospital to feed 'our' babies and we were told to leave because she wasn't going to sign. It was devastating to say the least. There was no way I could 'protect my heart'. Our grief only lasted 5 days and then she found the courage to sign. I can't imagine having to go through that indefinitely. My heart aches for you. Tears roll down my cheeks thinking back to the darkness that you're now experiencing. I'm so sorry. I pray time will heal and miracles will come about. Please know, like everyone else has said, You are loved! You are in my prayers and you are being thought of. Love u!
Savannah,
I am so very sorry for your loss!!!! Brad and I have experienced 3 failed placements. There is no easy way to go through them....If you need to talk feel free to call.
I am soooo sorry!!!!
Sending Prayers,
Brenda
Oh, I am aching for you. And crying with you. And praying for you. I hope that you are able to feel how much you are loved, even by those of us who haven't met you in real life.
Oh SO sorry for your loss... I will pray for you.. I'm just heart broken to hear things like this.. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here too... Take care...
Savannah & Josh,
I am so sad to hear this news... My heart breaks for you, I wish there was more I could say to give you comfort. Just know that I pray for you every day and you will be blessed, don't give up. Stay strong, but take some time to grieve this is truelly a huge loss for you.
I was so saddened to read this. I love you and you and Josh are in my prayers.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss Savannah. I will remember you in my prayers and I know everything happens for a reason. We just don't usually know that until we look back.
Love, Carlie
Savannah,
You don't know me because I rarely post on the LDSAdoptiveParents group, but I have been following your story and am so sad to hear what has happened. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, but want you to know that there are many of us out there who are grieving right along with you!
Just heard that the birth mother and family are getting hate mail from this, that is SICK this is ALWAYS about the birth mother and baby and will always be her choice.
Yes it is sad and it SUCKS but please people don't take this out on the birth mother and her family she is doing what she feels is RIGHT!
Oh Savannah... I am so sorry. It looks like from all the many comments you have on here that you have a lot of people who love you and are praying for you. We are sending our prayers with you as well and know that the power of prayer will help comfort you and your husband at this time. Your baby and birth family is out there!
Ang
as one who knows Celeste please know it was a decision she did not take lightly many sleepless nights, tear filled days, and hours of prayer. the last thing she wanted to do was hurt those she soo cared for and her heart is broken. please love her despite the pain you have now, and know her pain is as great as yours. I'm sure the new family, as they are adopting as well, feel your pain and share your grief. trust the Lord, all is in His plan and His time, I know this is what Celeste is doing.
I am so sorry! Our prayers will be with you.
Sending you hugs and prayers... so sorry to hear this.
My heart is broken for you. =(
Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts during your time of grief. I'm so sorry.
Oh Savannah I am SO sorry. I totally understand why you would not hate her, but I am still aching for you. You will be in my prayers!
I don't have words for the hug I want to give you! You are in my heart and my prayers. We pass through great sorrow so that we may know the purest of joys. The Lord has something beautiful in store for you!
I know how much you are hurting right now. We lost our baby after having her for 34 days when her birthmom changed her mind. I know that God will make all things right in the end. When we were going through our failed adoption I can truly say that the angels were holding us up, and I pray that you will also be so comforted. You are in my prayers!
Her blog post was meant for you http://marianneanddoug.blogspot.com/
Thanks for the heads up Anonymous, I'm glad you pointed me to her blog post.
Also, thank you to every one else for you prayers and love. We have felt them over the last week.
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