The Other Side of the Fence

In my support group www.2ofus4now.org we have been talking about adoption or infertility artwork we would like to see produced. That got me thinking that I would like something to hang in my home. To the internet I go.....
My findings were very disapointing. Not only did I not find any artwork, but all the search results that came up were very negative towards adoption. These websites went on and on about the lies that birthmothers are told and how we decieve them. I was shocked. Now I understand that placing a child for adoption will be the hardest experience a girl/woman could ever go through, but I have to disagree with these websites!
When we first started learning about open adoption one of the first things we were told was don't promise more than you can give because if a birthmom has a bad experience she will tell others and then they may choose to raise their baby themselves.
That is something I still struggle with. Really who am I to say that Josh and I would be better parents than someone else. We don't know that. What we do know is that our hearts ache to become parents. We want to have a family and raise a child as our own. We don't care that we can't have a child of our own. We are extatic to adopt. But it still bothers me when I see girls choose single parenting. Maybe they aren't bad parents, but maybe things could be better. Do you know what part of us adopting bothers me the most? For 6 months that child will only be ours for our earthly lives. We can't be sealed in the temple until the adoption is finalized and state requirement is 6 months. I can only imagine that my thought will always be chaotic. What if something happens? What if our baby or one of us dies? We won't be a forever family! Those thoughts haunt me!
I'm sure that every case is different. And I know some girls do have bad experiences when they place their baby. I'm sorry. I hope we can be better than that. These girls goes through Hell. I don't want to make it any worse for them.
FYI - our thoughts on open adoption right now are:
We want to meet the birthmom before the birth and get to know her.
We want to exchange gifts at the 1st meeting at and placement of the baby. We have actually already bought a few things we felt inspired to get.
After placement we want to exchange pictures and letters. That shouldn't be a problem knowing how much I love to take pictures! The whole reason for this blogsite was so it would be easier to share pictures and info.
After that we are a little unsure so we have said we will be open to other options as time passes. It is easier to give a little at a time rather than to give it all and then try to take it back if things don't work well.
We are considering visits after placement, but preferably in a public place.
We have seen several families do open adoption and it is a wonderful situation. We know it is the right things. Birthmoms shouldn't have to wonder what happened to their child. They will always have an attachment and they will always remember their baby. And those children will want to know someday about their birthmom. We have no secrets to hide. Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it is also a very painful thing.