Showoff Time

Okay, so I may just be bragging here, but I am so proud of this project. This year for Christmas I decided to make some ABC cookbooks to give away. I have been working on them since October and I finished them just in time. I was up on Christmas Eve until 2:00 Christmas morning trying to get them finished and put together. I could have finished them sooner, but Santa ended up going to 24 different parties in 12 days. It was so hectic! So because I am so proud of myself I decided to post a picture of every page. If a recipe looks good, but you can't quite read it, let me know and I will post it. This book included all of our favorites so I was very excited to share this book with our families.

Happy Birthday Josh

Today is Josh's birthday. He is now 27. He thinks that is old, but I won't let him talk that way because I am a year younger and I refuse to think of myself as old.
In honor of Josh's birthday, here is 27 things I love about him (in no particular order):
1- He is so handsome. Let face it girls, I married the best catch out there. I love his smile, his eyes, his broad shoulders, his "hind quarters". I just love to look at him.
2- I love how he was so quick to embrace adoption. I was a little scared about how he would react when he saw his test results, but he just said oh well, how would you like to adopt? He is so excited that our family is going to grow that way. He can hardly wait to meet our birth parents and he prayers for their health, strength, and courage every night.
3- He has such a calm temperament. Not much upsets him and even when he gets mad he keeps it under control.
4- He is so passionate about hunting. When we first married I had a hard time with that, but now I get excited with him. He is always so excited after a successful hunt and I know he takes great pride that it helps provide food for his family.
5- I love how Josh works so hard even at jobs that he doesn't care for.
6- I am so proud of Josh for going back to school. I know that because of that we will have to sacrifice money and also our time together, but I know that when he is done it will be well worth it.
7- I love how Josh loves my cooking. Just this week he said that he wouldn't be gaining weight if I didn't cook so well. I offered to start burning his portion of the meal (I'm not going to ruin my food too!) so that he wouldn't want to eat so much, but he told me to keep the good food coming.
8- I love that he is a cowboy and that he brought me to live this wonderful country life.
9- I love how all he seems to care about is my happiness. He would let me have ANYTHING I want if I would just ask.
10- I love how he spoils me and will do anything I ask.
11- Let's just say that he makes the bedroom very exciting....
12- I love that when I married him, I became a part of his family. I love his family so much.
13- I'm so glad that Josh has learned to like cats. Oh, he has always likes animals but when we married I insisted on having a cat, in the house, that never went outside. If nothing we have since reversed roles. I think the cats should now live outside and he thinks they should stay in.
14- I love cuddling with Josh. He is just the most comfortable thing to lay against.
15- I love how he holds me when I cry and tries to convince me that everything will be alright.
16- I love him for marrying me for time & eternity in my favorite temple, the Jordan River Temple, even though it was a couple hours away from where both our families live.
17- I love to watch him play with his nephew and his little cousins. He loves to be around children and I know he will make a great father someday.
18- I love how he is so willing to help around the house - sometimes he will even surprise me if he beats me home and has a chance to do dishes and make the bed (that's right, we don't always make the bed in the morning).
19- I love how he works so hard to keep our house warm. We could heat it with propane, but he insists on building a fire and on really cold nights he will get up at 2:00 in the morning to build it back up.
20- I love how excited he gets over Twilight. We usually read books that are way different, but he is a huge Twilight fan and I think it is just cute. He told me a few weeks ago that he now drinks Coke because that is what Bella drinks.
21- I love how he only wants the best and how sometimes he has to save up for it. He has taught me there is a difference between quantity & quality.
22- I love that he is such a great kisser. He still makes my knees go weak.
23- I love how he doesn't let a public place stop him from showing affection. There has been many times while in a store that he has let me know that he still thinks I am good lookin'.
24- I love that he will put up with my decorating the house for Halloween about 6 weeks before the holiday. He always tells me to wait until at least October, but when he comes home to find the house all decked out he just lets me know how good it looks.
25- I love how humble he is. He doesn't think he is much, but I think the world of him.
26- I love that he lets me wear his shirts when I am working around the house.
27- I love that he still kisses me good night every night when we go to bed and everyday when we leave to go to work.
Happy Birthday Sweetheart. I love you so much.

Christmas 2008

Here is a few pictures I took yesterday while we were visiting with Dallon who is on his mission in South Africa.

My nephew Preston

This is my little nephew Preston. He will be 2 next month. He is so much fun and so cute. He loves to do dishes. He can be anywhere in the house and if he hears the sink start to fill with water he will run in, push the stool over to the sink, and start washing dishes.

Oh, I think he wants to be nudest

My favorite Christmas picture

I took this picture in 2004 at Josh's family Christmas party. I think it is my favorite picture ever. This is Josh's dad's parents and I love them so much. Grandma was the first person to welcome me as a part of the family when Josh and I started to get serious. I will never forget the summer that Josh left to fight a forest fire and grandma hugged me as we were leaving (I was taking him to the meeting place). There was so much love and acceptance in the hug. I was so sad when grandma passed away. I loved her so much. At times I am jealous of Josh that he got to spend so much time with her growing up.

The Magic of Christmas (and the gifts!)

Last Christmas I didn't get much into the spirit because I was having such a hard time. We were trying to save for the adoption and decided we wouldn't spend much. We only put up a tree because that is when our caseworker wanted to come to our home study.

This year I was determined to enjoy Christmas despite the fact it is still only the two of us. I found three ways to make this Christmas better. First, I kept Josh so busy as Santa that we didn't have time to stop and think. It was so much fun. On Christmas Eve we went to 6 different homes. In between those homes I started thinking about the magic of Christmas. I had almost forgotten what is was like. But to watch the children's faces light up when Santa walked it helped me remember that this is a magical time of year and it needs to be enjoyed. I was also reminded of that yesterday as we watched our nephew Preston open all the presents. I watched him start to open his grandpa's present (from grandma to grandpa) and his mom tried to tell him that was grandpa's present. But I knew grandpa wouldn't mind because he loves his grandchild so much. And so we watched Preston open ALL the presents.

The second thing I tried to do this year was to be more giving. Something about the season seems to bring out a kinder person in me and I want to make sure that everyone around me can enjoy the season too. I donated to the local angel tree and another family in the area and I even left a bigger tip than normal when we went to dinner during the week.

The last thing we did was to spend on ourselves. That's the plus side to having no kids, we can spend all the money on ourselves. Earlier this month I posted about my new camera. I loved it, but earlier this week I took it back and upgraded to a better one. I am very happy with that decision. This should be the only camera I will need for years and years to come. As we were driving to Josh's families I saw this hawk sitting on a power pole and decided to try out my new camera.

Josh also had a great Christmas. This summer he started looking at some gun stocks he wanted to buy, but I wouldn't let him because it seemed like so much money to me (I only think that way because we are still trying to save for the adoption). But I finally broke down and let him order two; one for Christmas and one for his birthday (that's tomorrow!) They are so pretty! I think my husband has the sexiest guns now!

Santa is BUSY

Last year when we bought the Santa suit I think we only did 6 jobs. We thought that was pretty good...

This year I put an ad in the paper and our phone has rung non-stop! As of right now we have booked 22 parties and all but one of those has been within a 10 day period. Today we went to 3 different family parties and on Christmas Eve we are going to 4 different homes. Every time the phone rings I think there is no way we can fit in another one, but somehow they always want him to come when he isn't already busy.

I usually sit in the car and wait for Santa while he does his visiting. I figure it helps keep the magic alive. That way so Santa doesn't have to explain why he has a chauffeur and why she keeps blowing kisses at him. But I have so much fun when I go in with Santa that next year I think Mrs. Claus will be joining him.

Oh, and in case you can't tell (from all the pictures I have posted), I am having lots of fun with my Christmas present!

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

This week we went to a preschool/daycare center and the kids acted out 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. It was the cutest thing EVER! Santa met the kids in the hallway as they were getting in place for their play. They were so excited! It was so much fun to watch and the kids did a great job.

Caroling at the Care Centers

This year we went Christmas Caroling to the local Care Centers. We did it last year and had a great time. I took several pictures, but I didn't think to ask permission if I could use them. There was a few kids that were "Santa's Helpers." They were so cute! I told Santa that I would love to have a child like them someday. They were so fun to watch in the care center. I miss the innocence of youth. They still believe in Santa and they weren't scared of the residents of the care center. I don't know who the residents enjoyed seeing more, Santa or the little children. In both cases it seemed to bring a smile to their faces and it warmed our hearts.

I'm like an onion...

Peeling back the onion that is my life.
LAYER 1:Tell us your...
* Name: Savannah
* Birthday (month, day): January 10
* Birthplace: Utah
* Current location: Utah – about 30 minutes from where I grew up
* Eye color: Brown
* Hair color: Brown
* Height: 5'6"
* Righty or lefty: Righty
* Zodiac sign: I think I am a Capricorn, but I don’t get into that stuff. I do know that Josh and I have the same one.
LAYER 2:What's...
* Your heritage: Ummm, Mom would you please post a comment that list my heritage? Thank you!
* The shoes you wore today: Blue Cowboy Boots
* Your weakness: Chocolate and Diet Dr. Pepper.
* Your fears: spiders, being alone, living without Josh
* Your perfect pizza: lots of pineapple and colored peppers
* Goals you’d like to achieve: Motherhood!
* Your first waking thoughts: I shouldn’t have pushed snooze some many times!
* Your best physical feature: Smile
*Your most missed memory: I don’t think there is a point in my life that I want to revisit. I hated high school. I love being married, so I think I am living the best part of my life right now. It can only get better.
LAYER 3:Do you...
* Smoke: No
* Cuss: No
* Sing: Only when no one is around.
* Do you think you’ve been in love: That’s why I married him!
* Did you go to college: I attended the local extension, so I never had to leave home.
* Liked high school: Please don’t ever mention that again!
* Want to get/stay married: Like I said above, I can’t imagine my life any other way.
* Believe in yourself: I’m usually pretty good at that.
* Think you’re attractive: Yes
* Think you’re a health freak: Nope, not at all. I wish I was better than I am. I wish I could give up the Diet Dr. Pepper.
* Get along with your parent(s): Yes
* Like thunderstorms: I love them.
* Play an instrument: The Piano, but I don’t play as much as I would like to, but that’s my own fault. I need to do it more.
LAYER 4:In the past month have you…
* Drank alcohol: Never have and never will
* Smoked: Ditto
* Done a drug: Ditto
* Made out: Let’s just say I love that part of being married….
* Gone on a date: We went to Twilight twice and will probably go again next week.
* Gone to the mall: That’s like a twice a year thing for me.
* Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Not in the same setting…
* Eaten sushi: Never!
* Been on stage: No.
* Gone skating: It’s been years and years since I went skating.
* Gone skinny dipping: No.
* Stolen anything: No.
LAYER 5:Have you ever…
* Played a game that required removal of clothing: Only in my bedroom with my husband.
* Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No.
* Been caught “doing something”: “Doing" what? Drugs, Alcohol, & tobacco have never been a part of my life. But there was that time right after we were married that someone came to our house when we were still in our honeymoon stage.
* Been called a tease: No
* Gotten beaten up: No
* Shoplifted: No.
--It's looks like I'm a pretty good girl!
LAYER 6:
* Age you did get/hope to be married: I was 18.
* Numbers and names of children (either you have or want): Ashlynn Barbara and Michael Clayton. We defiantly want 2 kids but we might have 3. We haven’t really talked about names for a 3rd child. If it was a boy I would like: Brock, Asa, Ryder, Ransom. I’m not sure for a girl. I liked Caitlyn, but now I have cousin named Kaitlyn. I also like Jordan and Brittany for a girl.
* Describe your dream mate: I don’t have to dream about him, I’m married to him. Josh is really all I could ask for. I guess if I could dream about him, I would have him already finished with school, but there isn’t anything I would change about him.
* How do you want to die: At the same time as Josh. I hope we are both sleeping when it happens.
* What did you want to be when you grow up: A wife and a mother.
* What country would you most like to visit: Maybe Italy, but only because I like their food so much. Somewhere where I could see a lot of pretty landscapes and mountain terrain.
LAYER 7: Now tell...
* Name a person you could trust with your life: Josh
* Name a favorite CD that you own: SheDaisy
* Number of piercing: 1 in each ear.
* Number of tattoos: I hate needles! Plus I think tattoos are ugly.
* Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: My wedding announcement.
* Name a past experience that you regret: I have grown so much from my trials and sorrows that I don’t think I could regret them. Sure they were hard and painful, but I like that place I am now in my life and I think that going through those trials was the only way to get to where I am now. It's feels so good to say that!

Life is Crazy!

I want to blog but I can't find the time! "Santa" has a 13 jobs in nine days plus we are hoping to find the time to just swing by and visit two other families. I have a few pictures that I will try to upload after all of this is over with.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

I usually don't go into the parties where Josh is Santa, but I did last night so I could take a few picutres. Isn't this first one the cutest picture ever! He asked for Rudolph for Christmas! Next week will be a busy week for Santa; I'll try to take more pictures.

Zipper...that's my pillow

But, momma, I was keeping it warm for you.

Quick Update

Sorry I haven't posted much. December is hectic (that's why I hate this month; it's run, run, run, run). So, real quick, here is an update:
*I almost have my Christmas shopping done and the gifts I am making are almost done also (wow, I didn't think that would be possible!).
*I love my new camera.
*Yesterday was my first attempt to make Divinity. It was divine! We also made Brickle, Candy Bar Squares, and Mounds Balls.
*Josh has already had 3 Santa jobs. He has one every night next week; some nights he has 2.
*It finally started to snow this weekend. Every year we remember to leave the bathroom sink dripping so our water doesn't freeze, but we forget that the kitchen sink will still freeze if we don't run it also.
*I probably won't be able to fix our adoption website until after the Holiday's because life feels so busy already!

What Have I Done?

I saw this awhile back and skipped over it, but since I haven't blogged much this month I thought I would do today.

What Have I Done?(mine are in bold)
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band – I play the piano, does that count?
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower - I've seen a couple since we moved to the country. They are really cool to watch.
6. Given more than you can afford to charity – I just barely did this for the local angel tree. I felt so guilty when I saw this question that is seemed to drive me to try and do more this year.
7. Been to Disneyland – and yet all I can remember from the 1st trip is that we had to walk along the freeway and look for something that fell off the truck, I think it was a hubcap.
8. Climbed a mountain – but not a big mountain, I took this to mean I have gone hiking in the mountains
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo - but only because sometimes the primary kids won’t sing with me…
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch – I don’t know if it’s the same thing, but I have seen projects and recreated them by myself
15. Adopted a child – working on that….
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables – not by myself but I did helped my dad when I was a kid and I have helped my in-laws (“help” is being used very lightly in both cases, mostly all I did was pick some peas and eat them).
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked - but I did pick one up once. I knew who it was!
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill – it’s been awhile. I haven’t done that with this job yet, but I did with my last job.
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb - or a baby pygmy goat
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse – I didn’t watch the entire thing, but I did get up in the middle of the night to see parts of it.
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset – with Josh on my 17th birthday. It was the start to a wonderful day…
31. Hit a home run – ya right, I hate baseball!
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language ­– I took Sign Language in High school, but I don’t remember much of it.
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied - is that possible? But I can say we’ve had enough to meet our needs
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing – I got stuck on a ledge…
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business- does selling Scentsy as an Independent Consultant count?
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma – but I don’t think I will do it again. I didn’t enjoy the experience…
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy- my favorite Barbie doll
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt – no, but I have tied a few…
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle – the guy told me he would go fast because it makes the girls hold on tighter…
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper – like a wedding announcement...
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House8
7. Killed and prepared an animal for eating – Josh shoots the deer, but I help cut & wrap it and then later cook it.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life -I had a friend tell me she took a whole bottle of pills so we got the school to call the hospital for her.
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous – Stone Cold Steve Austen (WWE Wrestler) & Ann M. Martin (Babysitter’s Club author)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Merry Christmas...To Me!

I guess living with Santa has it advantages. I got my Christmas present last night. Okay maybe Santa didn't give it to me; instead it was a wonderful husband who will let me do just about whatever I want. I received my Christmas bonus (part of which was a new digital camera, just not the one I had picked out) and told him I was finally going to buy this camera I have been looking at since July. Even though he knew it would take most of the bonus he said I could. I bought it last night. He said I should put it under the tree until Christmas but I gave him my big puppy dog eyes and he said I could have it now. (That's good since I already had the battery charging).

Of course it works both ways. This morning he went online to order his Christmas present, which is a new gun stock, and asked if he could have two. When I stopped to think about it he gave me the same puppy dog eyes I gave him last night and so I had to say yes. Good thing most of our shopping is done. I hope to finish it tonight so I can bake with my in-laws on Saturday.

It will be nice to have the shopping done, but I still need to finish the gifts I am making. What a headache! It's been fun to make, but it was a big project. Next year I think I will think seriously about going to generic gifts from stores. It seems less stressful....

Good News, Bad News

The good news is that our new LDS Adoption Website is up and running. You can view it at http://beta.itsaboutlove.org and type in our profile number 7275236. The bad news is that some of the pictures did not work very well. I'm not sure why. Once I figured out how to re-size them I did them all the same way. Needless to say I am a little frustrated (okay I lied I am VERY frustrated). These websites have been so much work and for them to not look professional just frustrates me. On Parent Profiles (which we are still working on) you can actually preview the website and see exactly what it will look like once it is published, but with the LDS websites you can't do that (WHY?!).
Anyhoodle, I debated actually letting the world know about this website, but I realized that potential birth moms could look at it, so I decided to let every one know so they can look for any errors that need fixed. I am trying to learn more about the pictures and hope to have them fixed soon and would like to fix anything else at the same time.
Another bit of good news is that we aren't in the 10 longest waiting families section.

Gratitude Day 30

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it."

I have really enjoyed thinking of a Gratitude every day. Some days I had to think harder to come up with some, but I am so GRATEFUL for all that I have. I've got it pretty good. I have a great husband who loves me and treats me like a queen. We have a nice home with beautiful views. We have family nearby that we are able to see often. We have 3 kittens who keep us entertained. We have enought to meet our needs and sometimes a little extra for some fun. I have grown so much over the last years and I hope that I am a better person because of it. If I take a minute to look at the big picture, I really have a good life with little to complain about.

Gratitude Day 29

I am GRATEFUL for a nice peaceful evening (that means I ignored the sink full of dishes and decided we could eat leftovers for dinner). Not only did I get the chance to read my new book, Love Me, but I also finished it (that's right, I can read an entire book in one day!). It was so good! Oh, it's not my new favorite of hers, but once again Marcia Lynn McClure has managed to captivate me.
These books always make me think back to when Josh & I were dating. I can remember our first date. A big group of friends went to the park and I had invited Josh. I was tired of waiting for him to ask me out (apparently he was waiting until hunting season was over...). All night he kept trying to hold my hand. I would get nervous and pull my hand away and then try to start a grass fight or something else to keep my hand away. But he finally prevailed. At one point all the couples started to break off and we ended up cuddling in the soccer net. It was so...wonderful. It felt so right. After that I didn't try to take my hand away from him.
Our first kiss was just a quick peck really. I'm sure he was so nervous that's all he could do. And he should have been nervous, he kissed me on our second date! Then it scared him and he didn't kiss me again for several dates. A few dates later he wrote me a letter (I bet I still have it somewhere!) and in it he asked if it was okay if he kissed me again. Isn't that the sweetest thing ever!! Being the tease that I was I told him I had to think about. And I did. That's all I had done since our first kiss! The next day we went horseback riding and that is when he kissed me again. It was heaven.
I am GRATEFUL I married a man who is such a wonderful and passionate kisser! I am GRATEFUL for such a wonderful, persistent man who kept trying to win my heart even when I wasn't always the most receptive of him, but that is probably a story for another day...

I'm Feeling Torn...

It's finally here! Marcia Lynn McClure's new book Love Me. I have been waiting weeks for this book, literally! At the first of November she announced it's release date around the 18th. So first thing that morning I went online and purchased it. I even paid the extra shipping to get it here faster. And then I waited... Surely it would be here by Thanksgiving? But then I waited some more and even some more.

Finally on Monday I emailed her and asked where my book was. They were kind to inform me that there had been problems with the shipment and they would hopefully get it in that week and be able to mail my copy. The great part was to soothe me over they gave me the info. to download a free e-book. She has several that you can purchase, but I keep hoping she will print them so I can just purchase them and read them at my leisure. Well leisure is not best word. When I get her new books I read them as fast as I can. She is the best author EVER! But soon after I finish her books I find myself going back to them to read them again, and again, and again

I'm not hip on e-books. It's just not as much fun to sit at the computer and read from the screen. I prefer to do my reading while cuddled up on the couch or recliner in a blanket or while taking a hot bath. I read Stephenie Meyer's unfinished Edward book on the computer and I really liked the book but I could only read so far before I became uncomfortable and had to stop for while. But nevertheless, if my favorite author is going to give me a free e-book you bet I'll read it; as soon as I have the time...

Today is the first time I've had a chance to download the book Sweet Cherry Ray. I read the 1st chapter and it is awesome! Then my other book came in the mail today. I read the 1st chapter of it during lunch. I can usually read more than one book at once but when they are both by my favorite author I can't seem to keep them straight. So now I don't know which one to read first! I'm already caught up in both of them!

Don't worry, after this weekend it won't be a problem. I'll have them both read by then...

Gratitude Day 28

Since I have spent so much time having a pity party lately I thought maybe I should talk about the things I am GRATEFUL for in regards to our infertility. It was a hard thing to go through but I know it could have been worse.
I am GRATEFUL I never had a miscarriage. I have met people who have gone through that and I admire them for being able to survive it. I know they must have dealt with an enormous amount of pain, but I will never completely understand that. With my family history I always knew it was a possibility to miscarry and it terrified me. I am GRATEFUL that that Lord seemed to think that was a trial I didn't need to go through. I am also GRATEFUL that we learned so quickly that we needed to adopt. I am GRATEFUL to a dear friend who convinced us to test Josh. If we hadn't of, we may have continued onto other avenues trying to achieve a pregnancy. Trying to conceive is not a cheap thing. I am GRATEFUL that we weren't into it with a lot of money before we realized what path we needed to pursue.
I am GRATEFUL for wonderful friends who suggested different things we could try. It has really touched my heart. I received more advice today and I appreciate it. If we didn't feel so strongly about adoption we would maybe consider this advice. I am GRATEFUL to the wonderful people who embraced us when we announced we were going to adopt. It is a scary thing to consider, but we had some great family and friends who have been with us since we made the announcement.
I am GRATEFUL for the wonderful people we have met that are also going through this same trial. There is strength in numbers and I think I finally understand what it means to stand in need of comfort to those who need it.
Even though I am still saddened about our infertility I am GRATEFUL at how fast I was able to accept that a pregnancy was not meant for me. I am GRATEFUL that I don't have to be pregnant: just think I get to miss out on morning sickness, heartburn, swollen feet, swollen belly, sore back, tiredness, labor, etc. and yet I still get to have a baby someday. I am GRATEFUL that both Josh and I feel so strongly about adoption. We both have our own testimonies about it and we have always been able to agree it was best for our family.
I am most GRATEFUL for a wonderful, loving husband who has been there for me every step of the way through this journey. Never once did we question our love for each other or did we wonder "what if". We have gone through this together and grown so much closer because of it. Just thinking of him with our child seems to make it all worth it. He is going to be a great dad someday. I know there is some struggling with infertility trials that are much worse than mine. I know their pain is great and my heart goes out to them.

Gratitude Day 27

I have received a lot of feed back from our infertility blogs and I am GRATEFUL for that. I am also GRATEFUL that I wrote it. It is the hardest blog I've ever written, but it seemed to help me feel better. I was able to look back over it and go "Wow, I survived that. I must be pretty strong." I have learned two things from it. First, It is easy to forgive, but it is hard to forget. I have come to terms with what I have been through, but that doesn't mean I stopped hurting. It doesn't hurt constantly like it used too, but every now and then something will trigger a memory and if I stop to think about it, it still hurts. The other thing I have learned is that time heals all wounds. When I think about my infertility these days I can do it without crying and I can even smile about it because we feel so special that we get to adopt. To those of you who took it as a personal assault against you I apologize. I really was just trying to get my emotions out and hopefully maybe give people a better understanding of what we have lived through. My intent was never to make someone feel guilty because they have been blessed with children. I am happy for those who have been blessed with children. Children are wonderful joys and I want everyone to be able to experience that.

Josh's Infertility Story (written by Josh)

Hello everyone, I am trying my hand at this blogging thing. I'm pretty technology resistant but after Savannah posted her Infertility journal I felt that I needed to be part of this thing too. I will start off by saying that I am very excited to adopt, maybe even more so than Savannah, I just don't always show emotion as well. That being said let me tell you all my story of our infertility.

In 2005 we decide we are ready to start a family. I could see myself holding a newborn in the hospital, grinning ear to ear, lightly kissing my beautiful wife on the head and beaming with joy. That didn't happen. We tried and nothing, tried again and nothing. I have never done anything harder in the world than to look in Savannah's eyes after a failed pregnancy test; the hurt that was there was slowly killing me. I think deep down I was worried that it was all my fault for not being able to give her children, I felt like a failure as a husband, after every failed test I just wanted to die.

February 2007, I spent my anniversary getting tested, by far the worst test I have ever taken. Savannah took me to Cabela's but deep down I already knew the results and I felt like less of a man at that point in my life. I knew I would fail and that meant that I was a failure as a husband.

March 2007, While driving home from work one night I heard a Hallmark card commercial on the radio about a woman getting a card for her sister who had just adopted a child. It was like I had finally woken up; I knew without a doubt at that point that we would adopt, and all my feelings of being a failure went away. The painful aching hole in my chest didn't hurt quite as bad and I didn't feel like any less of a man. In fact I felt excited, I would get to adopt and that would make our child very special.

Later in March 2007, Test results came back and confirmed what I already knew in my heart, we were going to adopt. I was very excited I couldn't wait and I still can't.

Summer 2007, We attended our very first Birth mother panel and like Savannah has already said it was AWESOME! I had an understanding of what adoption was all about and I could hardly contain myself, we were going to get the chance to have a birth mother of our own and I was very, very happy. Also we attended our first FSA conference, again AWESOME, I can't even put into words the happiness I felt.

Many things have followed since then, Paperwork, home study, and lots of waiting. I am trying to be patient but it is hard sometimes. I don't feel like a failure anymore, but the aching hole is still there in my chest. It will take a successful adoption and hopefully the acceptance of a few people to fill that void. I can't wait to get that call, the one that says we have a baby. I'll yell it out to all the world, grin from ear to ear, and kiss my beautiful wife on the head. I'll feel whole again and I can't wait for that. Anyone can be a parent but only the most special people can be adoptive parents, and only the very most special people can be the birth parents who will make their dreams come true.

Gratitude Day 26

Today we went back to working our 8-hour days which means no more Friday's off until March. I think I cried this morning and I know I will cry on Friday morning when the alarm goes off. Therefore I thought that today I should try to look at the positive aspects of working an 8-hour day. I am GRATEFUL that I can sleep in a little later each day. I should be a good girl and still get up at the same time and do housework, but I don't. I am also GRATEFUL that it wasn't dark when we left to come home today. The day does seem to go a little faster and I am GRATEFUL for that too.
That's it. That's all I can think of. But I will forget all of it on Friday when I have to go to work so I don't know if I am extremely GRATEFUL or if I am just trying to see the positive in what I think is not a wonderful thing. I have to work the next 13 Friday's. Well, I guess we get the 26th of this month off, so only 12. I think I can plan on two things: I'll have to work real hard to not be cranky on Friday's and my house probably won't get another good cleaning until I have Friday's off again.