A new picture of me

I had Josh take a picture of me this morning while playing the piano. He was so excited to use my new camera! Now I can replace one of the pictures on our online profiles that I don't like. Plus, I knew my grandma would be mad at me if I didn't post a picture of me playing the piano.

This is the picture I put on the profiles.

Oh, and a quick update. Parent Profiles recieved the paperwork we were required to send in. Now they are just waiting for the paperwork that has to come from our caseworker. I believe those were mailed in on Wednesday. I hope we will be online with them next week.

I'm not sure what this does...

It came with the bigger zoom. I think it has to do with lighting or shading, or something like that. I did just look in my owner's manual and I can't find anything on it. I really need to watch the DVD's that came with my camera...
So I tried it out. This first picture I didn't have it on.
When I went to put the thing on my lens I realized it would only fit the bigger lens and I had used the smaller lens. That is is why the zoom is greater on this second picture. That and I didn't stand in the same place because I had to dig out the second lens. I don't know if I can tell a difference, I'll have to keep playing with it.

The zoom on my camera

I have been wondering what the differnce in my is with my lens. The smaller one has a zoom from 18 to 55. While I was at the park taking pictures I picked out a tree and took a picture at the lowest and highest setting of each lens. It's kind of small in this first picture, so I drew a red circle around it (look in the center).

The with the same lens zoomed into 55.
Then I switched lens. This lens starts at 55 (that's why the pictures look the same.)
This last picture was at 200.

I am so happy with my new camera!

Winter Wonderland...or something like that

I was quite surprised to drive to work on Monday. I have to commute about 25 miles and about 7 miles from where I work I hit the fog and from the looks of the frost on everything the fog had been there for a few days. That's why I love living where we do; I'm not sure what the altitude difference is, but it must be enough because we hardly ever get any fog and even when we do it only last for a few hours. But when the fog sets in this town, it can stay for days or weeks and one winter it stayed for 2 months.
I think the frost is so beautiful, especially after its had a few days to build up. So I took my camera to work with me today and went a little nuts. I love taking pictures and can't seem to stop. I took 25 pictures, here is my favorites. Most of the pictures I took at the park.
This picture is across the street from where I work. It's what I look at everyday. I emailed a few pictures to the KUTV 2 News morning show. This is the one they featured on the news. I got to work this morning and everyone kept telling me they saw my picture on the news!
Oh, this last picture is to show that we still have sunshine where we live!

Perfect Dinner Roll Part 2....Perfect Dinner Roll

The name of this roll may be coincedence, or it may be true. I still want to try a few more recipes before I add my claim that this is, indeed, the Perfect Dinner Roll.

Perfect Dinner Rolls

1 Tbs. active dry yeast

2-1/4 cups warm water (110° to 115°)

1/3 cup sugar

1/3 cup shortening

1/4 cup powdered nondairy creamer

2-1/4 tsp. salt

6 to 7 cups bread flour

----------

In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Add the sugar, shortening, creamer, salt and 5 cups flour. Beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining flour to form a soft dough (dough will be sticky).

Turn the dough ont a floured surface; knead utnil smooth and elastic, about 6-8 minutes. Place in a bowl coated with cooking spray, turning once to coat the top. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1 hour.

Punch the dough down. Turn doguh onto a lightly flroued surface; divide into 24 peices. Shape each piece inot a roll. Place 2 in. apart on baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes.

Bake at 350° for 12-15 minutes or until lightly browned. Remove from pans to wire racks.

After I try a few more recipes I will let you know if I think this roll needs renamed, but so far it has been my favorite.

The Quest for the Perfect Dinner Roll Part 1...Sweet Milk Dinner Rolls

My mother in-law makes awesome rolls. They are so good; I even included them in my cookbook I did for Christmas. They are fun to make and they turn out so beautiful. But if you know me, you know that I need to be unique. I've made her rolls several times, but now I feel like I need to branch out and find my own roll that is special for me.

A few weeks ago we had a late Christmas dinner with my dad and it was my first time trying a different roll. They are a little on the sweet side but they were pretty good.

Sweet Milk Dinner Rolls

1 package (1/4 oz.) active dry yeast

2 cups warm milk (110° to 115°)

1/2 cup sugar

2 Tbs. butter, melted

1 tsp. salt

4 to 5 cups all-purpose flour

----------

In a large mixing bowl, dissolve the yeast in the warm milk. Add the sugar, butter, salt and 3 cups flour; beat until smooth. Add enough remaining flour to form a soft dough.

Turn onto a floured surface; *knead until smooth and elastic, about 6-8 minutes. Place in a greased bowl, turning once to grease top. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1 hour.

Punch the dough down. Turn onto a floured surface; divide into 16 pieces. Shape each into a ball. Place 2 in. apart on greased baking sheets. Cover and let rise until doubled, about 30 minutes.

Bake at 350° for 35-40 minutes or until golden brown. Remove the rolls from pans to wire racks. Serve warm.

*Or if you have Bosch mixer, just knead it with the dough hook for 5-7 minutes. If you don't have a Bosch mixer, you should get one. I do all my breads with mine.

These rolls were pretty good. Josh thought they tasted like the ones his grandma used to make so that made me feel special. But they aren't what I am looking for. I thought they were great served warm, but I didn't care for them the next day. I'm funny about my bread that way. I want it to continue to taste like it just came out of the over, even if it's 6 days later.

So the quest continues...

A Poem by Josh

Quirky kitten from dad: $5 and and a plate of cookies
Kitten booster shot at the vet: $20
Getting kitten fixed: $50
Kitten food & kitten litter: $10
Never having to go to the bathroom alone: PRICELESS

Therapeutic Cooking (Lime Cooler Bars, Raspberry Citrus Bars, Slice 'n' Bake Lemon Gems, and Zesty Cranberry Cider)

As you might have guessed from the previous post I was almost having a bad night. But I have learned to notice the signs of my infertile depressing feeling coming on and tonight night I chose to ignore them by distracting myself. I baked up a storm!

Lime Cooler Bars

2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided

1/2 cup confectioners' sugar

3/4 cup cold butter, cubed

4 eggs

2 cups sugar

1/3 cup lime juice

1/2 tsp. grated lime peel

1/2 tsp. baking powder

Additional confectioners' sugar

----------

In a large bowl, combine 2 cups flour and confectioners' sugar; cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Pat into a greased 13-in.x9-in. x2-in. baking pan. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until lightly browned.

In a large bowl, whisk the eggs, sugar, lime juice and peel until frothy. Combine the baking powder and remaining flour; whisk in egg mixture. Pour over hot crust.

Bake for 20-25 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool on a wire rack. Dust with confectioners' sugar. Cut into squares.

Raspberry Citrus Bars

1 cup butter, softened

3/4 cup confectioners' sugar

2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour

4 eggs

1-1/2 cups sugar

1/3 cup lemon juice

2 Tbs. grated orange peel

1 tsp. baking powder

1-1/2 cups unsweetened raspberries

----------

In a large mixing bowl, cream butter and confectioners' sugar until light and fluffy. Gradually add 2 cups flour just until combined.

Press mixture into a greased 13-in.x9-in. x2-in. baking pan. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until lightly browned.

Meanwhile, in a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs, sugar, lemon juice and orange peel. Combine the baking powder and remaining flour; gradually add to egg mixture. Sprinkle raspberries over the crust. Pour filling over the berries.

Bake for 30-35 minutes or until lightly browned and filling is set. Cool on a wire rack. Store in the refrigerator.

Slice 'n' Bake Lemon Gems

3/4 cup butter, softened

1/2 cup confectioners' sugar

1 Tbs. grated lemon peel

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 cup cornstarch

1/4 cup colored nonpareils

LEMON ICING:

1 cup confectioners' sugar

2 Tbs. lemon juice

1/2 tsp. grated lemon peel

----------

In a small mixing bowl, cream butter and confectioners' sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in lemon peel. Combine flour and cornstarch; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour or until easy to handle.

Shape the cookie dough into a 1-3/4-in.-diameter roll; roll in nonpareils. Wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for 2-3 hours or until firm.

Unwrap dough and cut into 1-4-in. slices. Place 1 in. apart on ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 375° for 9-11 minutes or until set and the edges are lightly browned. Cool for 1 minutes before removing to wire racks to cool completely.

In a small bowl, combine the icing ingredients. Spread over cookies.

Zesty Cranberry Cider

2 bottles (64 oz. each) cranberry juice

1 can frozen orange juice

1 can frozen lemon juice

1 bottle (64 oz.) water

1/2 cup cinnamon red hot candies

3 Tbs. cozy mulling spice

----------

Heat juices and water in pan. Add red hot candies and stir. Put mulling spice in tea balls and then in juice. Let simmer until the hot. Remove the tea balls and discard spices. *This also taste good chilled.

Mountains of Paperwork

I'm convinced that is all there is to adoption. Fill this out, sign here, initial and date here. And I just don't understand if why there can't be just one page for your contact info. It seems like every other page they want your address, phone, email, full name, birth date, etc.
I would be willing to bet we haven't really even began to see all the paperwork that is involved. I'm sure once we are chosen we have to fill out more paperwork saying that yes, this is the birth mom we have chosen to place our undying hope and wishes with. Then after the baby is born and placed with us I'm sure we'll have to bring our pens to the meetings. And, of course, there is the court date where we will once again sign a ton of paperwork.
And even when you think you are done with the paperwork some more comes flying at you! I'm getting ready to complete our Parent Profiles online page and once again there is paperwork. It just so discouraging at times. But despite that I am going to take it all home tonight and point out the many place to my hubby where I need his signature so that I can forge forward with faith and mail in the paperwork so we can have one more online profile for scammers to contact us on. Oh, and hopefully in the midst of those, a wonderful woman will contact us about wanting to place her child with us, which is the only reason I continue to sign here, initial there and date here.

26 Things You Should Know About Me

Yes, I know, my husband did a very sweet blog on my birthday. But, when I suggested it, I assumed he would use the same format I did and do a list using my new age as a guide. I should just leave things as they are, but since I am a perfectionist and there was no list on my birthday I am going to do one now. So, in honor of my birthday, here is 26 things I think you should know about me (in no particular order).
1. I love my husband. He is my world.
2. I love kittens and I treat the three of mine like they are my children. If reincarnation was a real thing I would want to come back as a cat that lives in my house because they are so spoiled.
3. I love to read.
4. I love to blog.
5. I love to cook, especially desserts, but I am also starting to really enjoy cooking breads too.
6. I love ketchup, tomato soup, and sometimes salsa, but I don't like tomatoes.
7. I collect Barbie Dolls.
8. I love to scrapbook.
9. I am very passionate about adoption.
10. I never want to get pregnant.
11. I love to take pictures.
12. I only have snowmen for Christmas decorations.
13. I love my job, but if I could do anything in the world I would be a book editor.
14. The Jordan River Temple is my favorite temple and that's why I got married hours away from home, instead of the Vernal temple that was a half an hour away.
15. When it comes to housework I enjoy doing dishes, laundry, and vacuuming, but I hate to dust.
16. I don't make my bed everyday, but I'm okay with that.
17. My favorite holiday is Halloween and I love pumpkins.
18. I love to soak in the tub (while reading a book of course).
19. If my drink is supposed to be cold (like milk, soda, or water) I want it ice cold. If it is supposed to be hot (like hot chocolate) I like it boiling hot. I won't drink luke warm milk at all.
20. When we go to my favorite Mexican restaurant I always dip my chips in a bowl of their red enchilada sauce.
21. When I re-order checks I always get a new design and since I look at checks all day at work I try to get something different and unique.
22. I love breakfast foods, but I would rather eat them at dinner time.
23. When I don't have to work I will sleep in until at least 9:00.
24. If I could live anywhere I would have to choose between Cedar City, Utah and Bonner's Ferry Idaho. I don't know why, they just seem like nice places. Truthfully I've never been to Bonner's Ferry. I just saw it on a map then looked it up on the web and fell in love with the place.
25. I want an orange cat named Mozart and a Buckskin horse named Belle.
26. I never imagined I would marry a cowboy, but I'm glad I did because I love living in the country.

I must be bored

Josh has class tonight so I am home alone. Usually I just blog or read, but tonight I managed to find some energy and do a few things. First I cleaned the interior of my car and also the outside of the windows. It was pretty dirty. Tomorrow I think I will run it through the car wash and if I have time I will have vacuum it out.
Then I built a fire. After that, I cooked dinner for my wonderful hubby to enjoy when he gets home (see previous post for details). Of course that created a mess so I did the dishes too (Josh will be surprised, I usually insist that since I cooked it, he should do the dishes to show his gratitude).
Then I ran out of energy (what, I work all day! I'm not superwoman!) so I started to blog, but that's okay since it is one of my favorite things to do. As you can see, I have been busy tonight. I have made some changes to the sidebar. I am trying to find a visitor counter, that I like, but I haven't been able to yet. Right now I have 2 different ones to try out for a while.
I also tried to organize the blogs I follow. I started by separating the my adoption friends (most of whom I have met in 2ofus4now) and then just other blogs I follow. I could have stopped there, but I like to complicate things up and over organize things. So then I sorted my adoption friends into 3 categories: (1) Currently looking to adopt, (2) has adopted - but isn't right now, and (3) infertile friends. I hope I put everyone in the right place. This way I figure any potential birthmoms that come to this website will be able to look at other awesome families looking to adopt.
If you think I put you in the wrong category or if you want me to list you in a certain list please leave a comment and let me know. I would also love to put up links to any adoption online profiles - just let me know if you want me to list yours!

Poem

I found this poem today and it exactly describes my life that past 3 years.

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God, because He was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him, in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help, with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "What could I do? You never did let go."

I love Amazon.com...let me count the ways

1.This is the primary reason I went to Amazon.com. I was upset when I couldn't find this movie at Walmart. It is a must see. After I found this I just went a little nuts....


2. This is to make Rosette's. It's a family tradition from Josh's family that I want to be a part of. I can't wait to try it out. Melanie, you should come over and help me! Oh, and Melanie, if you don't want to know what I got Preston for his birthday then skip to the very end and check out my boots!

3., 4, 5., 6., & 7. It's my nephew's birthday at the end of the month. I decided that since I was shopping I would get his birthday present. I think I went a little overboard (more on that in a later posting). Aren't these shirts just adorable!

8. Then I found this cute shirt and I had to get it for my nephew also...9. Then I wanted to make sure he had a pair of pants to wear with all of these cute shirts so I added these to my cart.

10. Then I got thinking clothes aren't the greatest birthday present so I also added a toy. I thought about getting one for my house, but we have a barnyard bowling game so I decided to only get one for my nephew.11. Then I decided to buy one more thing for myself. I have been looking for a new pair of brown cowboy boots for quite awhile and these looked perfect. I love them!

Our new President is off to a bad start...

This is from an email that was sent to me. Please take a moment to click on the link and let our soon to be president know that his Freedom of Choice Act is a BAD IDEA!
------
Dear Family and Friends,
As most of you know, Obama made a public announcement that he is going to sign the Freedom Of Choice Act, which will allowall types of abortions including partial birth abortions, also allowing babies who are born alive due to botched up late term abortions, to be set aside without any medical care or nourishment and left to die (most of these babies have no medical problems and most of the ones that do, have things like cleft palates, club feet, things that are correctable, still they are murdered in the most cruel and inhuman way. They feel everything that is happening to them. There is more mercy for dogs that are put to sleep) This Bill also will make it mandatory for doctors and nurses to perform this murderous act even if they do not want to do so. This act also allows under age teens to have an abortion, even partial birth abortions, without parental consent.
Catholic Bishops have pleaded with Obama not to go ahead with this horrible murder of innocent babies. They have also told Obama that if he persists in signing this Bill which would require even Catholic Hospitals to perform these acts of murder, they will have no choice but to close all Catholic Hospitals. Please let us join with these courageous Bishops who will go to any length to change Obama's mind. Please take a minute to sign this statement and let our voices be heard.
This is a great, informative website. You can click on the video of Obama's speech to the Planned Parenthood group where he promised that the first thing he would do if elected President would be to sign the Freedom Of Choice Act. He isn't even in the White House yet and he made a statement last night that he will go forward with his plans to sign this outrageous bill. He still can change his mind because the Bill cannot be signed until he is actually the President.
Please let your family and friends know about this Bill and ask them to also sign this petition. Even those who voted for Obama would not want him to sign this Bill.
Please click on the web site below. It will take less than a minute of our
time, doesn't cost anything and God will bless you for standing up for Him and His commandment, "Thou shalt not kill".
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing"
Click on the link below to sign petition:
http://www.fightfoca.com/

Birthday Loot

Josh let me do all my own birthday shopping today. We went to one of my favorite stores, True Value. They have a great kitchen section. I bought some mixing bowls (that came with lids!), a new bread pan, muffin pan, some covers for my stove, a new hand mixer, and a new shower head (that hubby said he would have up before the weekend ended!). At Wal-mart I also bought some new pajama pants and a new movie, Ella Enchanted. I wanted to buy Stardust, but they didn't have it. That is one of my new favorite movies. I guess I will have to find it online and order it.

What I really, really, REALLY wanted for my birthday was a kitten. My sweet hubby even said I could have one, but I just couldn't fully talk myself into it. We have THREE kittens already and they are a handful. Plus I don't think Pyro has ever forgiven me for bringing Zipper home and that was three years ago. So I spent all day trying to cuddle the kittens I already have.

Happy Birthday to my wife

Savannah's Birthday (by Josh)
Today being Savannah's 26th birthday, and since she wrote such a nice blog for my birthday, I thought I would take a moment and say some things about her.
I want everyone to know what a wonderful woman I was lucky enough to marry, she encourages my dreams and helps me where she can in my school work. I would never have even tried to go back to school without her support. She also understands when I need to be doing school work and makes sure that she leaves me quiet time to do that. She likes to have her "be with me" time but she understands that I have things that I need to do and she lets me do it. She is also going to be a great mother. Watching her with children I am so excited for her to have a baby of her own, I can't wait for that to happen for us. She has also brought kittens into my life, which has made me a big old softy. She listens when I need to talk. She can build a roaring fire when the house is cold. She is an excellent cook, which shows in my waist line. She enjoys her "be with me time in the bedroom." She is a wonderful wife and I am the luckiest man in the world to have her.
Happy birthday Love, I love you very much!
Your loving husband,
Josh

Quarter Collection is Complete

We finally finished our Commemorative States Quarters Collection. Josh's mom bought us a display board several years ago and we have tried to be diligent at keeping it caught up. Luckily with my job I see tons of quarters so that wasn't hard. Earlier this week when I put the Hawaii quarter in I thought it was done, but we were missing Oklahoma. But I was able to find it 2 days later.

I'm not sure which one is my favorite. I really like the mountain on the Colorado quarter and the flowers on the Mississippi quarter and the bear on the Alaska quarter.

Adoption Email Scams

I was asked how we could tell these emails were adoption scams. In our case these were "parents" trying to give us their children. I've been online all morning trying to find an article to display here, but those are more related to people actually approaching you, taking your money, and then just disappearing before the due date.
The first thing I noticed with these emails we received is that they sound just like those email scams that say something like: I need to get this money, but I can't deposit it to my account. I will deposit it to your account if you will pay me $5000 to do so, but then you will receive $50,000. I'm sure we have all received them.
The biggest clue has been the way they talk. Clearly these emails are not coming from America. Here is just a few excerpts from these emails:
-well my intentions are to make sure this lill girl is in good condition with a loving family before I go.
-i will like to know more about the family who is going to adopt my twins
-all i will ask from God is that he should bless you so much since you have a human feeling to another
-My baby is eight months running now and i really need help.moreover i need a mum for my baby because i will not be able.
The other thing I have noticed is that the emails come about the same time that Dallon emails us from Africa. I am sure there really is birth mothers out there who can't sleep at night and that is when they are online, but to me these emails just seem to scream "Nigerian Scam."

Too Good to Be True

What is the best way to celebrate being approved for adoption for one full year? To be approached by not 1, not 2, but 3 seperate people trying to scam us!

Last week one of my online support groups mentioned an adoption website that would let you publish your profile for free for 1 year. It's makingfamilies.org. The website is very "simple" and really all we can do is post one picture of us and our email address. It didn't look like much, but I thought it was worth a shot. I was a little disappointed that the first couple you see is a family of 2 dads looking for another child. Personally, we are trying to adopt because we believe that a child needs a MOTHER and a FATHER.
Then earlier this week the same support group mentioned that they had been contacted by scammers. Sure enough, I had heard from the exact same person too! I have since been contacted by two more scammers. That was my biggest worry when I signed up for this website and I am actually thinking of pulling our profile from it.
I am so glad to know before hand about this scams, or I might be going through heartache right now. We are aware of the fact that scammers see adoptive couples as very good targets; that is exactly why we choose an agency we know we can trust.
The two red flags that we have seen with these scams is that they have poor English skills. Someone in my group mentioned that they speak English English instead of American English. The other flag to watch for is that they need money now. We haven't had anyone ask for that yet, but I'm sure if we had tried to pursue these supposed "opportunities" that they would have been quick to mention that.

Zipper has a new toy

Well, it is a new toy for all the cats, but Zipper doesn't share well.

Making a good thing even better

When I don't feel like cooking (or don't have the time) I use one of the old reliables out of the food section: Frozen pizza. I love pizza! And yet, there is always a problem...there isn't enough sauce. Everything else is fine, but I can never have enough sauce. So last week I fixed the problem.

You start with this:

Then add some of your favorite pizza toppings. Make sure you have a can of sauce! Our favorites our mushrooms, peppers, olives, pepperoni, Canadian Bacon, more cheese (sorry forgot to put that in the picture, use your imagination), and my personal favorite, pineapple.

Then you just make a pizza on top of your pizza! I start with sauce and cheese and then just pile things on.

I always have to make 2 pizza's because Josh doesn't like pineapple on his pizza. Enjoy!

Playing with my new camera

I have been dying to play with my new camera, but really haven't had much time. It came with some tutorial movies and I put one in on Saturday while I was cooking, but I missed everything since I was in the kitchen. Last week while we were at my mom's for dinner I some how started a self timer. I didn't even know it had one!

So finally tonight I dug out the book and figured it out. I'm still not sure how I did it that first time; there is actually a few steps to take. Here is just a few of the pictures I took while trying it out. I can't wait to really get out there and use this feature. I won't be complaining about photographers anymore since I can now be our own photographer.

I don't like Brussels Sprouts

My dad had shoulder surgery today to repair a torn rotator cuff. Since you spend most of the time sitting around a waiting room, while they set on a bed waiting on the doctor, I chose to let his girlfriend sit and wait with him while I went to work. (I only work a block away.)

During my lunch break, I ran over to see how he was doing. He was still in recovery so I found his girlfriend in the cafeteria and ate lunch with her. One of the choices they had was Brussels sprouts. I think they are the cutest vegetable, but I had never tried them. So I had a brave moment and asked the lady to give me three. She was generous and gave me four. All I can say is YUCK! But I did try them and I am proud of myself for that.

For those of you who are wondering, my dad is doing great. I went to his house after I got off work to find him bringing wood into the house for his fireplace. He has declared that he is already bored. He's in for a long ride; he has the next several weeks off...

Open book...I want to hear from you!

I just wanted to mention that I love hearing from everyone, so please feel free to post a comment whenever you want. Or better yet, ask me any questions you want. I've seen this on other blogs and it looks fun. They can be adoption related or anything else. For security purposes I won't go into a ton of details like where we live or anything to personal like that. If I understand my settings right, anyone can post a comment. If you aren't a registered Google user you should be able to type in your name or even click on anonymous.

So go ahead, treat this like an OPEN BOOK.

I should mention that I have the comment moderation turned on; simply because I realized I was missing some comments that were being posted. This way I have to review them before they are published and I won't miss out on any. It there is any rude or insensitive comments I will reject those. I haven't had a problem with that yet, but I have friends who get a lot of abuse about their decisions to adopt and that to me is just plain mean, so play nice.

Pain in the Neck...and the shoulder

Sunday while I was sitting in Primary watching the children try to pay attention to their teachers my shoulder started to go numb. Then as the day progressed it started to hurt, and hurt, and hurt even more. Any movement just about had me in tears.

We had my dad and brothers (my sister forgot) up for a late Christmas dinner. I had planned to take pictures, but I was in so much pain I was lucky to just get the table set. But dinner was great. Josh cooked a spiral cut ham with a cranberry relish that I think is to die for. We also had twice baked potatoes (my first time cooking those), Grandma Jone's (she is Josh's great-grandma) corn casserole, which also is to die for, a raspberry-yogurt salad, and rolls. Oh, and the best part, chocolate truffle cheesecake for dessert.

After they left I took a hot shower that helped with the shoulder pain until the water ran cold so then I sat in the recliner with the heating pad which didn't really help at all (funny that's how well the Tylenol was working too). I didn't sleep well that night because I COULD NOT get comfortable on matter which way I tried to lay.

Needless to say, I was a little cranky when I woke up yesterday. I'm not one to rush to the doctor over any little thing, but I called the minute they were open. Lot of good that did me, I couldn't get in until 3:30 and even then I sat in the waiting room for 1 hour AND 10 minutes.

I can't remember what the doctor called it, but apparently I have a nerve that keeps having spasms. I'm ready to cut the nerve out, but instead he gave me a prescription for some pain pills and a steroid 6-day treatment pack.

So I went to the pharmacy where I waited ANOTHER 45 minutes. At one point I thought I was done because the pharmacits called my name. But all he wanted to tell me was that they were out of the pre-packaged pills that told you to take 6 pills the first day, then 5 the next day, all the way down to 1 and instead he wanted to know if it was okay if they just put the pills in a bottle? Sure, whatever, I think I can handle counting backwards from six...

Fifteen minutes later my name was called again. By this point I was so happy to be almost done that I wasn't paying attention when a different pharmacist started to tell me the whole 6, then 5, then 4 deal again. But something clicked when she said Prednisone. Alarms went off in my head, but I couldn't figure out why. I thought she was talking about the prescription for pain at first. Then she indicated that it was the steroid pill; that's when it all clicked.

Prednisone is the most likely reason we can't have children. Presnisone is the reason we are so lucky to adopt. When Josh was 18 he had an auto-immune disease that attached his kidneys. Prednisone is the drug that saved his life. When we told his family we had decided to adopt that is when they finally mentioned that the doctor had mentioned Prednisone could....kill his little swimmers. At the point I wish we had known sooner. I knew that had problems, but we had never thought to make sure it was just me. I think that would have saved a lot of heartache. We could have started on this adoption journey sooner. But maybe we needed to live through those trials of trying to conceive to better appreciate adoption.

I have to admit that I stared at the bottle on my table for quite awhile before I took the pills. I know it is used to treat other things. I had a friend take it during a pregnancy to help her not miscarry. To me that is ironic. Josh takes it, no babies. Girlfriend takes it, here comes baby...

I was a little worried that thinking about the past would stir up old feelings, but I am happy to say there was no tears, well except the painful ones that convinced me to just take the pills.

A quick update
I slept much, much better last night. It must have been the pain pill. We woke up at 2:00 to check the fireplace and it hardly hurt. But I acted to soon and tried to sleep on it, so it hurt again when I woke up. But today that pain has been bearable and almost minimal at times. Oh, and in case you are taking track, I took 6 pills in the first 24 hours (2 at a time at every meal), now I need to take 5 in the next 24 hours, then 4, then 3, then 2, then finally the last one. The pharmacist told me like 20 times, so I want to make sure I get it right!

It's a Date!

We are going to Phantom on April 4th! I am so excited.

Josh was watching TV and saw it advertised. I almost had the tickets booked before the commercial was over. We have front row seats.

Expectations

This week my support group and some fellow bloggers have talked about expectations. Life is full of expectations; sometimes they turn out the way you want and sometimes they don't.
As a child I expected to do well in school and with much hard work I was able to do just that. I also expected to enjoy high school, but I didn't.

One of my favorite expectations is that I expected to meet a nice man who would take me to the temple. I hadn't expected he would be a cowboy and that we would be so young. But that is one of those things that I am glad it didn't go like I expected.

When I married, I naturally expected that someday we would be parents. I figured we would be married for a few years before that happened and of course I assumed it would happen the natural way with my becoming pregnant and 9 months later our child would enter the world. That is another expectation that I am glad is not going to turn out like I planned. From the moment we decided to adopt we knew that it was the right thing for our family.

In regards to our adoption, I don't feel like I expect too much. Basically I want a wonderful birthmother (& birthfather) to choose to place their baby with us. We will then wait 6 months after which we will go to court to have the adoption finalized and then we will go to the temple to be sealed as a family for eternity. Then we will wait a few years and start the process all over again so that we can have another baby.

Sounds simple enough. I'm sure it won't go that simple and we will probably have some struggles to overcome, like being chosen and then having the mother change her mind, or maybe we won't have a baby by the time Dallon gets off his mission. As the news has pointed out recently we could also have problems with the birthfather. A number of things can go wrong, but really until that happens there isn't much I can do to prepare for it, expect to know that everything is in the Lord's hands.

At the beginning of the process I wanted to choose that our first baby would be a boy. Since then we have broadened our expectations and not only did we select either sex, but we also decided to be more open about the ethnicity of our baby.

The problem I am having is with my expectations of how the "waiting" should be. While I tried to not to expect to be chosen after a small amount of time, I did expect that we would at least be looked at a few times in the first year. Every time I see our caseworkers number on my cell phone I try to not get excited. He's only ever called to remind us about paperwork, conferences, etc. And yet, each time my phone rings my heart stops and I think "This could be THE call!" I try to picture how it will be when that call comes. Will I be speechless? Will I let out a big yell of joy? If I'm at work, how will I tell Josh the news? Will I call him over the phone or will I run out the door without telling anyone where I am going and go track him down to tell him in person?

Another expectation that has not gone quite like I had planned is that I expected everyone to be just as excited as we are. This is actually a topic of discussion I have started a few times in my group. Our friends have been great in this regard. They are always asking how things are going. But unlike I had hoped for, we have some family that hardly ever (and even some of them never) ask how things are going.

In this way I am different from the norm. Most adoptive couples when they get all approved to adopt actually ask their families to not ask about it. For them it is hard to say that nothing has changed. They tell their families that when there is news to share they will let them know.

Not me. Maybe I am just being selfish, but I want our families to talk about and ask about it. Sure it's the same news it was almost a year ago, but I still want to know that we are in their thoughts and prayers and the only way I can know is to have them ask.

Some of the things that were mentioned in my group have made me stop and think. Some great points have been brought up. Adoption really is completely out of our hands. We are at the mercy of others. Maybe it is hard for some to hope for things that they can't see. It's not like a pregnancy where you just expect to meet the newest member of your family hours after they had entered this work after waiting only 9 months.

Maybe they are scared to see us get hurt and don't want to give us false hope. Maybe they don't know what to say so they say nothing at all. I am trying to realize that doesn't mean they don't support us, it just means that they really don't know what to say.

Maybe it has to do with how I reacted to the last pregnancy in the family. During that time I really was an awful person and nobody wanted to be around me. I don't blame them. I don't know how even Josh managed to live with me. But I have worked on my issues and I have realized that it was me who had the problem and I have moved beyond that. I can't wait until my sister in-law is pregnant again so that I can enjoy it with her the next time.

I am trying to let go of these expectations. Some of them probably really aren't worth the stress I am letting them cause in my life. So this is my New Year's Resolution. I am going to assume that everyone is just excited about our decision to adopt as we are. If they want to tell me otherwise then I can let it roll of my back. After all, when my baby does arrive I don't have to let them hold it. I am also going to let everyone off of the hook; if you don't want to ask how our adoption is going, that's fine. If we have anything important to announce, we will let you know.