Josh's New Best Friend

Josh got a dog this weekend. He is so excited and he is already so in love with her. We named her Sage.

She didn't know about riding in the back of the truck. So I rode in the back seat with her.

Zipper does not like her. Missy doesn't seem to know she shouldn't like dogs. She doesn't like Sage, but she isn't scared of her either. Pyro is still under house arrest (but she is healing up nicely) so she hasn't really met her yet.

I think Zipper is mostly jealous. He cries when he sees me petting Sage. He will slowly go up to her, and when we aren't looking, he will take a swipe at her. Hopefully he will adjust after a few days.

Working Cows

Yesterday we helped our landlord work some of his cattle. Besides hunting, I think that is Josh's favorite thing to do. He was so excited to ride a horse. I hope someday we can have some of our own.

Yes, even I get into the mess of things and help. I don't know if I am much help because I don't always know what we are doing, but I enjoy working with Josh.

Only Josh could be covered in cow manure after a hard days work and still be happy.
When we took the cattle back to the field I was able to ride on one of the horses, but I had already put the camera away by then so we didn't get any pictures of me on the horse. I guess we just have to go riding again. I was a little nervous because I haven't been on a horse for six years, but I think I did okay.

Spring Cleaning....Room 1

I should be embarrassed. I let the spare rooms of our house get so dirty over the winter. So this weekend I tackled the back bedroom. I know it doesn't look like it, but it's supposed to be a scrapbook room for me and then a place for Josh to store his misc. hunting supplies. Here is some before shots.

Oh my, I have a LOT of work to do! Here is some after shots. I still need to clean out the closet and I may or may not have pushed all of Josh's stuff into one corner. One of my groups has been talking about simplifying our homes and lives. I filled the outside garbage completely in 2 days.

Here is my scrapbook table. I had forgotten how big it was! I can't wait to start scrapbooking again! I don't have many pictures to scrapbook, but I think I will start just creating some blank pictures, that way when I have pictures, but no time to scrapbook I can just put the pictures on the pages.

This is the best addition to the room. I spent all day Friday de-junking and I decided I needed something to better organize my space. So the minute Josh walked in Friday night I convinced him we needed to run to Vernal so I could buy a shelf. He needed to buy a few things to, so it wasn't hard to convince him. And just to let you know how quirky I am... I hung the ribbon twice. I had it a row lower and didn't like it, but I was trying to live with it and then I found some more ribbon rolls I had missed. And I realized that some ribbon rolled from the top and some rolled from the bottom. So I went ahead and moved it a shelf higher, and made sure they all roll from off the top.

Josh's corner is still a mess. I didn't know what I could throw away and what I needed to keep. I will work on that next weekend.

Here is a picture of kittens playing in the box that the shelves came in.

Debt...and a plan

I HATE DEBT! We try to avoid it at all possible means. We have no credit cards and I let debt scare me so much that I am no where ready to think about purchasing a home yet (well that, and the fact that Josh is still in school).

When we bought our car almost 3 years ago it was a bitter sweet moment. We finally we established enough that we could take out our own auto loan! It was so exciting. Then we signed the paperwork. I hate the hold that has put on us. Adding a truck loan made the stress even worse.

When we purchased our computer we did a loan with the company so we could establish some credit. But we paid the loan off 3 or 4 months later. We have tried to be realistic each time we have taken out a loan, although that is something the car company had a hard time with. When we decided to buy a car we sat down and decided just how much we could spend. We had some money set aside and decided that we would use that for our down payment and then we could finance a loan that would keep our payments around $120.

So off to the car lot I went. I walked in and told the guy that we were interested in a car and we wanted to spend X-Amount of dollars. He proceeds to tell me about this car that is $XXXX. Um, no, that is $4,000 more than I just said. So then he tries to tell me about a car that is $XXXX. Still no, that is $2,000 more than I said. I was starting to get frustrated. Maybe most people don't think this through as well as we had.

Finally after some arguing he tells me that he thinks they have one car that just might work. He was kind of talking down to me, trying to belittle the car like it wasn't anything even worth looking at. Let me back up, when I first got there I saw this car and just fell in love with it, but it looked so nice I knew we could never afford it. IT WAS THAT CAR HE WAS TALKING ABOUT!

I took it home for a test drive that night and the next day we were at the bank signing papers and then on to the dealership where we signed papers again and presented the two checks (ours and the banks) to pay for the car. He seemed surprised that we already had the money. Seriously, how unprepared is the common car buyer?

There is a point to this story. I have 12 payments left on the car. I want to be giddy with joy, but that is still 12 more payments! So I have set a master plan. I will have this car paid off before the year ends. No, before Thanksgiving! The one important thing I learned while working in real estate is that is pays to pay extra each month. Since we started the loan I have tried to pay a little extra and really I am probably closer to my goal than I think I am, but I am going to increase my efforts!

Maybe after the car is paid off I can feel better about having to possibly take a loan out for an adoption.

An ALMOST total disappointment...

There was an adoption conference this week in Provo and Sandy. It wasn't sponsored by our agency, but I decided to go and try to learn some new things since we are thinking about trans racial and international adoption more and more these days.

The one in Provo was supposed to be on trans racial adoption, but I would have titled it "These guys are working on their desertions for their degrees and for some unknown reason they are trying to do studies on trans racial adoption even though they have no valid link to the adoption world with a guest speaker who is probably more anti-adoption than pro-adoption."

I was so excited when I left the house yesterday morning (before daylight I may add). I was a few minutes late, but that's because I went to the wrong building. When I got there this cute little (she was like 5 feet tall!) grandma iwas talking about a 20 year study she did. I loved her. She has several adopted bi-racial children and she loves them. It was so refreshing.

Then we had the other guest speaker. He once lived next to someone in Vermont who adopted a bi-racial child and he decided to do a study on it, but I think someone forgot to tell him we would want to see the positive side. The video was 77 grueling minutes long. I loved the guy, who during the Q&A, asked the film maker why all he showed was the challenges and not the rewards. The film maker just kind of skirted around that question.

Lunch was okay, but I was able to meet some new great people in the adoption world. I think that was the only adoption related thing at the conference; just us crazy people who have adopted or who want to adopt that were in attendance.

The session I was most excited for was a big let down. The schedule said Trans National and we have been thinking more about that since Sunday (more to come on those details) so I went. He showed a few charts about different countries and which seems to be the biggest for adoption right now. Then he asked who there had adopted internationally and if he could interview them for his study. THAT WAS IT! We didn't discuss the different things you need to do, we didn't discuss how much to spend, how long it takes. NONE OF MY QUESTIONS OR CONCERNS were talked about.

The next session was a little better, but once again it was a student conducting a study. And really her's wasn't really about adoption, but mixed race families. It was informative and I really enjoyed her speech, but it would have been better at a different conference I think.

The only highlight of the day (besides the new friends I made) was the adoptee panel. IT WAS AMAZING! They had 5 people come in and share their adoption stories. They were beautiful and uplifting. I feel in love with everyone of them. They had great advice and they did admit to some things being hard, but the love they felt for their families was very positive. I wanted to find the film maker and tell him to throw his old video in the garbage and make it using these guys.

Then back to disappointment. The next guy has a passion and that is numbers. He took the 2000 Census and threw some numbers together in confusing ways. I'm still not sure what message I was supposed to get from him. Then another doctoral student spoke and to me he was trying say everything he could to say trans racial adoption probably isn't a good thing. He was African American and I didn't like how he kept saying "my people" and "your people." At this point I want the adoptee panel to come back!

I didn't stay for the last guy. I was too discouraged. I realize that trans racial adoption comes with extra difficulties, but I know it all can't be bad. In the car I looked at the schedule for Wed. & Thurs. and decided my emotional state could not handle more of the same thing so I decided to come home.

I was supposed to take notes for my friends that couldn't go. I am sorry to say that I was not impressed and will not go to this particular conference again. But during the entire day that was a handful of things that I did like or that gave me pause to think:
1- African Americans will probably have problems no matter where they are raised. As a society we really need to get our act together and quit looking at color of skin and rather look at their character that lies within.
2- It probably is best that they are raced by someone of their culture and skin color, but in not, then they just need to be raised by a loving family.
3- Kids don't seem to notice they have a different skin color until they are about four or five years old.
4- Children raised by parents of a different color seem to find the religion of their family and how that is taught more important than the color of their skin. I could probably say that in a more understandable way, but I'm not sure how to word it. Several of the adoptees mentioned it. Their families taught them that God doesn't see in color and that he loves all his children. That was important to them.

If you were at the conference on Tuesday and had a better time, I would love to hear from you! And if you enjoyed it, sorry if my thoughts upset you. We have only recently decided to consider trans racial adoption and I was hoping yesterday could have been a better learning opportunity. I have not let it discourage me away from trans racial adoption.

To make myself feel better and feel like my day hadn't been a complete waste I stopped at Bridal Veil Falls on my way out of Provo. I only had my little camera since I had planned to be gone for several days and didn't want to worry about my big camera. But once again I am amazed that my little camera is a great camera.

Pictures...pictures....pictures

I'm feeling lazy and don't want to do a separate post for these pictures.

On Wednesday when we got to work at 7:00 AM the full moon was so pretty, but I didn't have my camera. So on Thursday I took my camera, but it wasn't as pretty. The sky was kind of dirty. But I took some pictures anyways.

Today I wanted to go for a drive, so we headed up to our favorite place in the mountains. We saw some wildlife, mostly deer. Although on the way home we saw the first bluebird of the season!

This is our favorite place to go fishing. It might need a few more weeks. Those little dots on the ice are geese.

Here is the river right by our fishing ponds.

Here is a couple of more pictures of the mountains that we love so much.

I love my camera! I think I finally have the self timer figured out. I have 10 seconds to hit the button and then get next to Josh.

Josh always wants to use my camera (I'm pretty possessive of it), so I let him snap a few pictures of me. I'm not sure which one I like better.Zipper is so happy the weather is nice again so he can go outside again. Already he has killed a few things outside and tried to start a collection on the porch. I guess he thinks since we mount Josh's heads we should mount his too.

I am excited too that the weather is nice enough to throw the kittens outside. We're keeping Pyro inside until her stitches come out, but she wants to go out too.

I stole this from another blog

But since it was a quote by an Apostle of our church, I guess it's not really stealing (which is a good thing because our church frowns upon the kind of thing). But the quote was so good that I wanted to post it here. The blog I got it from is Inky Smiles; she does a thought every Thursday and I always look forward to them.

"Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. ... It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance."In the language of the gospel, this hope is sure, unwavering, and active. The prophets of old speak of a 'firm hope' (Alma 34:41) and a 'lively hope' (1 Peter 1:3). It is a hope glorifying God through good works. With hope comes joy and happiness. With hope, we can 'have patience, and bear . . . [our] afflictions' (Alma 34:41)."

~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf

All in Good Fun!

The Book of Mormon is a book of scriptures that we use in the church we belong to. That is why we are also referred to as the Mormon's even though the real name of our church is "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints". If you would like to learn more about our church or have any questions feel free to email me at sourbonk [at] yahoo [dot] com.
I found this poem today and it was too cute not to share. Someone had left it by the printer at work. I found it online at about.com.
I hope those of you who know the stories in the Book of Mormon will get a chuckle out of this.

What if Dr. Seuss had written the Book of Mormon.
Nephi:
Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam.

Sam:
Yes, this is Sam; Sam I am

Laman:
That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am

Sam:
In a tent, my father dwelt

Laman:
And it's so hot, I think I'll melt

Lemuel:
Our father's brain is out of whack

Laman:
Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back

Lehi:
Then go and get the plates, my dear

Laman:
On second thought, I'm staying here

Nephi:
You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?

Lemuel:
That Nephi always gets his way

Laman:
Here we are in this damp cave

Sam:
We would not be here if you'd behave

Nephi:
I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think

Nephi:
Look what I found, a brother from the quorum

Sam:
We will take him home, we will call him Zoram

Laman:
Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent

Lemuel:
I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona

Laman:
We hate it here, we have no lives

Lehi:
Then go back to the city and get some wives

Lehi:
A tree, a tree, I see a tree!!
The fruit is white, the fruit is free!
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?
Laman, Lemuel, come and see!

Laman:
We will not eat your precious fruit

Lemuel:
We will not wear a tie and suit

Laman:
We will not help you build your boat

Lemuel:
We do not think that it will float

Laman:
No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
I do not care what Nephi wrote

Lemuel:
We will not eat your fruit I say

Laman:
We will not eat it on a tray

Lemuel:
And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent

Laman:
We'd rather have a can of spam

L&L:
We will not eat it, Sam I am

Sam:
You do not like it, so you say
Try it, try it, and you may
Try it and you may I say

Laman:
Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see

L&L:
Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
You've saved us from an awful jam
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am!

Dinner with my dad

This week my dad turns 53! So on Sunday we went to my mom's house and had dinner with him. While we were there we got a few family pictures with my dad. Here are my favorites. Now I just need to choose one for our online profiles.
Josh didn't think he needed to be in them, but one of my biggest pet peeves it not having complete families in pictures. It drives me nuts. He is my family now and therefore is a part of my family. Well, that and he's just so fun to look at....

Pyro is feeling better

Pyro is finally feeling better today. She was groggy all day Friday and refused to sleep. That's funny, because if it had been any other normal day she would have slept all day. Poor baby, we traumatized her! But she did sleep all day yesterday and today her appetite has picked back up.

We were concerned about Zipper trying to play with her so we put our fireplace fence up and put him on the opposite side. He didn't like that. Last night we did it again because he was acting frisky and picking on Missy so we took Pyro to bed and put the fence up again. At about 1:00 in the morning he started to cry, and cry, and cry. He is such a mommy's boy! I finally took the fence down so he could come to bed with us. When our nephew was a baby and I would hold him, Zipper would sit at my feet and cry. He doesn't like to share me. It will be hard for him when we do get a baby.


I held Pryo so much this weekend. It was so nice. She just isn't the most loving cat and doesn't like to be held. But since she was so out of it I held her to my hearts content. That's how I know she feels better; she won't let me hold her now.

Touch of Faith

I have been looking for this picture for a few weeks now. A local store had a sale this weekend (40% off everything), so I went in and was determined to not leave without this picture. (I also bought some new books!)

Touch of Faith depicts a woman reaching through the crowd to touch the hem of Christ's garment. The story is told in Mark 5:25-34."And a certain woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years,
And had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse.
When she had heard of Jesus, came in the press behind, and touched his garment.
For she said, If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.
And straightway the fountain of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of that plague.
And Jesus, immediately knowing in himself that virtue had gone out of him, turned him about in the press, and said, Who touched my clothes?
And his disciples said unto him, Thous seest the multitude thronging thee, and sayest thou, Who touched me?
And he looked round about to see her that had done this thing.
But the woman fearing and trembling, knowing what was done in her, came and fell down before him, and told him all the truth.
And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of they plague."

I used to think that I had that kind of faith. When we first started the fertility pills I just knew that if I could touch my Savior I would be healed and would be able to become a mother. I contemplated stocking church headquarters in hopes of catching a glimpse of our Prophet, knowing he too could give me the healing I thought my body needed.

I know now that wasn't meant to be. It doesn't make my faith any less, I've just had to refocus it elsewhere. I know that my Savior could heal us and make us parents, but He must be able to see something that I can't see and He knows when the time will be right for us to get a baby, for us to have a chance at being parents. While I was digging through my scriptures looking for this story I stumbled on a thought I wrote in there who knows how many years ago...

"Faith keeps us trying when otherwise we might give up."

At times I do want to give up. The waiting and uncertainty are so hard to deal with sometimes. Everyday I see people and I know I could be better parents than them. I would buckle my child up in the car, I would realize that if I am cold and need a coat than maybe they are cold too and I would not only put a coat on them but also their socks and shoes. I would make sure that they knew they were loved.

I get so restless thinking that maybe today our birth mother will find us. Maybe someday I will be a mother. Everyone in the adoption world talks about how it will happen when it's supposed to happen, but it's hard to wait on the unknown. I know someday my joy will be complete, but what am I supposed to do until then?

Surgery

I had to take Pyro to the vet today. She's had a lump between her shoulder for a while now and it was my first priority to get her to the vet with my now FREE Friday's! (That is great! I'm glad to have Friday's off again. To celebrate I slept in until 7:30, got up for 15 minutes and then went back to bed until 9:00. It was wonderful).

Pyro loves car rides so unless we take all the cats in for their shots, we let her ride in the back window. I prefer it that way too, because I am convinced she gets car sick if she can't see out a window.



This was the ride home. She didn't blink for the first 15 miles. Even after that all she really did was move her head a few times.

When we got home we tried to get her to lay on a blanket, but she kept trying to walk around. She would only get a step or two and then fall down. We tried putting her in a box, thinking that if she didn't have the strength to climb out she would sleep. That didn't work either. She ended up getting half way out and then before I could help her, gravity did the rest for her and she fell on the floor.

I feel like such a bad, mean momma right now...We finally decided that the best medicine would be daddy's love. Hopefully, the drugs will wear off soon and she will back to her ornery self. Wait, that is the plus side to this. I can hold her and she doesn't growl at me.

We have to go back in two weeks so they can take the stiches out. Zipper and Missy will be living outside for the most part until then.

A few updates

I finally did some major repair work to our BETA LDSFS online profile. I don't think I ever posted that it was online because I was so unhappy with the picture quality. For example, we had a picture of our kittens on their and when they re-sized it, it cut off two of their heads! There was a few other pictures where we were missing the top of our heads and other pictures were just fuzzy. I have finally fixed all of those pictures I was really unhappy with. I still want to get some new pictures of us in our float tubes this summer. The ones I have now were taken with a disposable camera, so they aren't the clearest picture.

I also just finished adding several things to our adoption blog. With our online profiles we are limited to how much we can type and we can only use 24 pictures. I just posted a ton of pictures on this blog and hope to add some more in the upcoming weeks. I am very happy with the changes I made there. If you see anything on that blog that doesn't look right like a spelling error or an ugly picture, please email me. I really want that blog to put our best face forward.

The biggest news (if you can even call it that), is that we may have finally had a legit birth mother contact. We still aren't sure, but it hasn't felt as phony as the others. It is actually a girl looking for her pregnant sister. I don't know if they have made an adoption plan yet, I think they are just exploring all their options. But it is still exciting to know that real people are looking at our profiles!

Crafty Tag!

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me!

My choice.
For you.

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make! (But I promise to put my whole heart into it!)
2. What I create will be just for you.
3. It'll be done this year. (10 months, I better get busy!)
4. You have no clue what it's going to be. It may be a story. It may be poetry or an article on properly cleaning your face before a masque. I may draw or paint something. I may bake something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you, that's for sure!
5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch?

Oh, the catch is that you must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to the first 5 people who do the same on your blog.

The first 5 people to do so and leave a comment telling me they did win a FAB-U-LOUS homemade gift by me!

*Oh, and be sure to post a picture of what you win when you get it! If you don't post a picture, my feelings may be hurt, and I just might cry.

I copied this from Desi and Carlie. I am so excited to do this! oh, it will not be a story, it will defiantly be something handmade.

Go ahead, leave a comment. You know you want to! Just make sure you offer the same deal on your blog.

My not so secret admirers

Working the front desk at my job seems to have it's perks. Sure I have to deal with a lot of smelling, unsavory, or otherwise sometime annoying people, but there is always a few who do like me.

A few weeks ago we were busy so I had someone come up to help me. When I pointed out who was next in line, he declared he would wait until his "girlfriend" could help him and insisted the guy behind him go next. Then as he went to leave he told me to watch as he drove by so I could see his new trailer that he does his cooking stand out of. This guy also will always make sure my husband is still treating me right.

This week another gentleman presented me with a gift.
A jewelry box that he made himself. He does woodwork and he does a really good job. I insisted that I couldn't take it, that my husband would be jealous. But he was persistent so I accepted it and told him no more presents. He just grinned and said we would have to see about that.

I don't worry about these guys to much. They are old enough to be my grandpa's. I figure they are just lonely.

Oh, and that jealous husband I mentioned? When I called to tell him about my present he asked what it was. When I told him it was a jewelry box his response was, "Oh, good. You've been asking for one of those. Now I don't have to buy one." Yep, I love that man!

Check out this adoption blog

I am a BIG fan of the R House Blog. For starters her boys are just about the cutest EVER (look for their pictures in the left sidebar). The writer of the R House is a huge adoption advocate. Last week she is doing guest appearances by others who are in the adoption world. Every day was an AMAZING POST.

Click HERE to go to her blog or click HERE to just see her guest appearances. Or click on both, it really is a great blog.

Tuesday's post made me cry. A lot. The poem that he wrote for his mother...well I can't find the right word because awesome, amazing, wonderful just don't justify it. If you don't click on any of the links I have included today, please be sure to check out Tuesday's post and read it. To read more of his story on the R House blog click HERE.

Wednesday's post made me cry. I know the pain of infertility and just how much it hurts. I will NEVER know the pain that a birth mother goes through. They are such amazing people and I am sure that they will be in the highest degree of glory in Heaven.

Thursday's post made me cry. We don't have a birth mother yet, but I think of her everyday. I wonder if what she is doing, if she is okay, what she looks like... I pray for her everyday and hope the best for her.

Friday's Post and Saturday's Post is a two part post. It is long, but well worth reading. It's a birth mother story that just makes me want to cry some more. I hope that someday we can have an amazing birth mother like this person. I also hope and pray that we can have a great relationship like she shares with the family that adopted her baby

Sigh, I want so badly to be a part of the adoption world...

Testimony Meeting

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. On the first Sunday of each month our church has a testimony meeting during our Sacrament services. Basically that means that they open the podium up to anyone who wants to stand and talk about how the feel about the church. It is completely voluntary.

Today I wanted to get up and bear my testimony, but I was suffering from stage fright. I knew if I got up that I would end up crying. Now I am feeling guilty that I didn't follow my heart. Had I been brave enough to stand up this is what I would have said:

"The last two weeks I have prayed harder than I think I ever have and I have cried harder than I have in quite a while. I was so worried that my friend wouldn't get her baby, that the placement would fall through and that she and her husband would end up going home to an empty house. I begged my Father in Heaven to not let that happen, I pleaded and at one point I even tried to bargain. At times I wanted to give up hope, how could my prayers make a difference? I am just one person. But I couldn't let go of the hope I had inside. This had to work, it just had to.

I had forgotten just how powerful a prayer can be. At first my prayers were "how can this be happening, it's not right." Then it was "please, don't let this happen to them. Can't you see they need this baby." Finally after several days of praying my heart seemed to calm down and I knew that things would work out the way they were supposed to. I didn't know for sure that the placement would happen, I just knew that it would go according to the Lord's plan.

I know I wasn't alone in my prayers and we must have prayed hard enough because things worked out and my friend was able to take this sweet little baby home."