Hello from our kittens!

Pyro has been especially loving today. She must be sick.I'm king of the mountain, er... king of the recliner! Momma, please ship me to some place warmer.

Leave me alone, I'm busy.

Re-Introduction

Welcome to my blog (again). When I first entered the blogging world my purpose was to create something that would make it easier for our birth parents to stay a part of our lives. I wanted a place where I could post picture and stories of our children as they grew.

Then something happened; I became addicted. I pride myself on not being too caught up in this technical age. I don't text, in fact, all I do with my cell phone is make phone calls (because that's what I think a cell phone should be used for). We still own the original PlayStation. I joined Face book and thought it to be lame. But blogging...I was totally caught up in that.

Something amazing has happened over the last 6 months. I have been able to let go of pain, to finally forgive, and to heal. I think blogging has helped with that. It amazes me that when I write things down it helps release the pressure that was built up behind the pain.

At first I was scared to share my feelings, to expose myself like that. But it's hard keeping up a brave face all day and then crying in my bed all night. I started numerous posts about our infertility, only to delete them because I thought they would reveal too much. But then I realized that they would only reveal the truth. I am only human. I have my own trials and sometimes they are hard. But each day life goes on and that is why I try to put a smile on my face and trudge on forward.

Choosing a new title for this blog was harder than I thought it would be. The humor in me wanted to do something funny, some catchy, something original yet slightly strange. But a part of me wanted to make a title that could become my new mantra. Something that would inspire me to keep hoping, to keep dreaming, to have faith.

There is a song by Michael McLean called "Something Perfect." I hope that some day soon we will be living this song.

There's an ache that's missing today.

There's an emptiness that's been filled.

There's a cloud that's lifting and drifting away.

There's a ragin' storm that's been stilled.

There's a joy that's real.

There's a wound that's finally healed.

There's a future replacing a past.

There's breath of new life in the cast.

And there's something perfect happening here.

And this moment will bury the mountains of fear.

And through countless tomorrows it won't disappear.

This something that's perfect happening here.

No one knows, so no one can say

That tomorrow all will be well.

Will the brightest promise that shines on today

Shine tomorrow? No one can tell.

But one thing is sure

And will be forever more

When such unselfish love has been given.

The world just made more room for Heaven.

And there's something perfect happening here.

And this moment will bury the mountains of fear.

And through countless tomorrows it won't disappear.

This something that's perfect happening here.

I wanted to name my blog Something Perfect. I wanted it to be a reminder to look for something perfect in my life everyday. I have a nice home in the most beautiful country that God created. I have my kittens. I have a great family and wonderful friends. And I am married to the most wonderful man there is. He loves me and does his best to show me that everyday.

Unfortunately that name was taken. I tried several other song titles that inspire me, but I kept coming back to this song. That is when Countless Tomorrows jumped out at me. Everyday is a new day and we have plenty of tomorrows to look forward to. I can't wait.

Blogger Backgrounds

I need help from my fellow bloggers. I really want to transform my blog into a three column blog. I finally figured out how to do that, but now my background makes my sidebars hard to read.
I am looking for other places I can go to get a free background that will work with my 3 column blog that I want to switch too. I have tried a few, but they all have issues. The Cutest Blog on the Block - I love their backgrounds! But if I am on my work computer I can't see the background of blogs that use their designs. It's really a nuiscance because that makes some blogs unviewalbe at all because it's a black screen and they use black font. My mother in-law has the same problem on her computer. Drats, I really do love their designs! I also tried Delightful Dots, but they only have 4 templates, and I didn't like any of them.
I am more familiar with the backgrounds you use by adding a gadget, but I will try anything.
I am trying to find something, but the few others I am finding are boring (BLAH!). I want something fresh, something fun. If you know of any websites I can check out please leave a comment. The future of my blog depends on you!

Another picture

When I cut my hair I was a little worried about how my perm would look. I was afraid I would look like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket. I probably thought that way because about 5 years ago I did have a perm like that! I still shudder thinking about it.

But I am happy to announce that I like how my hair looks. I forgot how much I like my hair this length. It's not too heavy but it's still long enough that I can do different things with it. I can't understand how a person can cut their hair really short and only be able to do the same hair style day after day. I did that once and I loved the short cut, but I missed playing with my hair. It was so hard to grow out and I had to go through so many awkward stages! It took me 10 months to get my hair to length that I liked. I won't be cutting it really short anytime soon.

Working on a Facelift

A week ago I announced that changes would be coming to this blog. You've probably noticed the face lift that I have been trying to give this blog. I have spent a ton of time thinking of what I want to rename this blog.

I have spent a lot of time going through my favorite songs trying to get ideas there. I think I have finally found what I want, but I wanted to send out one more warning that the address to this blog won't be working for much longer.

As soon as I change the address I will email everyone I know (that included the 2ofus4now and LDSAdoptiveParents Yahoo groups). If you want to make sure you don't miss out on the new address you can do a few things. You can leave a comment here with a link to your blog and I will make sure to leave a comment on your blog of my new address.

Or (and I hope this will be the easiest), visit my cooking blog http://cookingwithsourbonk.blogspot.com/; in the sidebar of that blog, I have a link to my other blogs and I will be sure to update my new address there.

I will probably make the switch this weekend, unless all the addresses I have picked out are already taken.

Congratulations to us!

Here is what we know:

She is is due May 25th.

She is 41.

She lives in Tennesse

She is married, but he husband is all for adoption also.

She already has 2 full grown children and 2 grandchildren.

She has a medical condition and knows she won't live to raise this child.

Oh, and she is all full of lies! (Seriously, couldn't you see the red flags!)

I know I had everyone going, but I am trying to share it like it happened so you can feel my joy and then my pain.

I was at work when my cell phone rang. I could see it was an out of state number so I just let it ring and hoped they would leave a message. I hoped it was a birth mother, but didn't know what I would say. A few minutes later Josh called in a panic. Someone wanted to give us their baby.
Even though we took a few moments to hope, we immediately we saw all the red flags.What is the life threatening condition? Her husband doesn't want to keep a part of his dying wife? Her two full-grown children don't want to raise their sibling?
I was so excited for about an hour. I'm not even sure what I did during that time. But the entire time bells were going off: this is too good to be true. So I did some searching on-line and I found someone who has been approached by this same person and she knows of others.
I know think I know what a drug addict goes through. That first hour was so exciting. My heart sped up yet slowed down at the same time! I was dreaming big, counting days, and making plans. I want to feel that high again! But only if it is the real deal.
So Congratulations to us. We just survived our first con artist scam. I don't count the emails we've gotten because you could tell they weren't real.

Thoughts on Adopting An Older Child

Someone asked us if we had ever considered adopting a waiting child, a child that is no longer an infant. That is a tough question for me to answer.
Giving up my dream of being pregnant was not all that hard to give up. Morning sickness, mood swings, weight gain, labor, I could give that up. I don't mind messing that step in the process to motherhood.
But I am not ready to give up the dream of holding a tiny baby in my arms. I'm not ready to miss out on midnight feedings, first smiles, first steps, and yes even things like dirty diapers.
I know I could love an older child if that is what we were to be given. And someday I may change my mind and be more open to an older child. I have actually thought about Foster Care a few times and if I didn't work I would do that. But I believe that children who are placed in Foster care need a stable environment with constant love and discipline. Their world is falling apart and they are already in a strange place; I wouldn't want to turn around and send them to a babysitter all day.
Until Josh is finished with his schooling I will have to continue to work. I love my job so that isn't a problem for me. But I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom. I dream of the time when I will be able to kiss my husband off to work and then spend the day playing with my children. We'll build forts, read books, bake cookies, take naps, you know, all that normal motherly stuff.
I love people who do foster care. I had a good friend in high school that was raised by a foster family and I think it made a world of difference in her life. But for us, now just isn't the time. And neither is it yet the time for us to consider adopting an older child.

We survived...

...Another trip to the city. Seriously, we only go like twice a year. It can be more stressful than it is fun. I wanted a jetted tub for our anniversary; the best we could afford was a one night stay in a hotel that had one.
So off to the city we went. Our first stop was at Quizno's for lunch. I love this place and if they had a restaurant around here I would eat there everyday. I always get the Chicken Carbonara. After Quizno's we went to Cabela's. That's actually become a tradition. When we go to Cabela's we have to eat at Quizno's. I must say I am impressed with Josh; he didn't buy a thing at Cabela's. We walked out only $30 poorer because we bought a ball cap for his brother and a package of their cinnamon roasted cashew nuts.
And he impressed me once again because the next place we went was Sportman's Warehouse. This time we walked out without buying a thing!
After that we made a stop for me and went to the Quilted Bear. That place is awesome. I had never been there before. I wanted to buy everything! Instead I bought a few things for our home. When I saw these things I just had to have them. They were perfect!

We also did some window shopping at the mall. The best service we got all weekend was at a clothing store in the mall. That night we once again fell in love with the Olive Garden. The waitress had a hard time believing that all I wanted on my salad was a lime & a lemon (click here to learn more about that on my cooking blog.)

The hotel bed was okay but the tub was pretty sweet! On Sunday we just lazily worked our way back home, but most everything was closed. I went to a Barne's & Nobel, but they didn't have the books I was looking for so we didn't buy anything there.

For dinner we stopped at Ruby River Steakhouse. I don't care for Steakhouse's, but that one was pretty good.

I'm glad to report that we made it home safely with most of our sanity in tact. Honestly, how do people live like that? The roads are scary with all those drivers, every where you go there is a crowd and a wait. I am so glad we live in the country.

Mountain Home Wildlife

I took these pictures a few weeks ago. This cow elk was just wondering around right down the road from our house a few weeks ago. We usually don't get to see them this close.
Last week while the weather was nice I kicked the kittens outside for a little while. I looked out later to see Zipper about to attack these quail. We usually see them a few times a year. They are fun to watch.

New Hair Cut

I went in for a hair trimming on Friday and this is what I ended up with. My hair is super thick and if it gets to long the weight of it gives headaches. The poor gal, I made her cut it 3 times before I was happy. I don't like taking the time to get my hair cut, that's why I keep a longer hairstyle, it's less maintenance.

Happy Anniversary!

Eight wonderful years ago, I married my best friend.

Eight years ago, I was sealed for time & eternity to the love of my life.

Eight years ago, my dreams started to come true.

The past eight years have been incredible. Josh says he hopes the next eight will be just as good, but I am shooting for more long range than that. I hope that the next 42 years will be just as great.

To celebrate we followed the same advice that was given to us eight years ago. You don't need to go anywhere special; chances are you won't leave the hotel room. Our hotel was nice. We stayed in South Jordan at the Country Inn & Suites in a room with a whirlpool tub (that was a must for me).

The coolest part is when we got there it sits up on a hill and we could see the temple where we were married. It was beautiful. We didn't go there, but we plan to for our 10th anniversary.

Changes Are Coming!

We are trying to do a big push to get the word out that we are trying to adopt. We have been waiting on LDSFS to launch their new website, but they keep having issues. Currently we have an online profile with both of their websites. The problem is that when the new website officially launches, the old website will no longer be available and the address to the new one will change.
We have been wanting to do some business cards to hand out to people but have been waiting for the website switch. We have been informed that they now don't know when this will happen. I am not going to wait on them anymore! So I have started yet another blog. This new blog will be dedicated completely to helping us find a baby. I am going to list the details about our family and anything else I feel is important for a birth mother to know about us. Once I get those things listed, I probably won't update it very often.
The address to this blog will be changing sometime in the very near future. I will try to email everyone and let them know what the new address is. If you don't receive it, you can either email me or go to my cooking blog. In the sidebar on that blog I keep a list of all the blogs I have and it should link you tho this blog after I change the address.
Sorry if this cause you difficulties, but when this blog turned into more of a ramblings of what I was thinking about, I decided that is was time to change the address to something more appropriate. (Although I am still trying to think of the perfect title!).
Oh, and this isn't about secret in case you were wondering.

I love this song!

I can't believe I am about to admit this, but I LOVE this song by Linkin Park "Leave Out All the Rest." I'm not only surprised because it is NOT country, but also because I always pictured these guys as a group with no morals and that their songs had foul language. I'm not ready to completely change my opinion, but let's just say that I have learned to not judge a song based on the CD cover. (Or something like that.)
This song was part of the soundtrack to Twilight. My husband bought the CD, but wouldn't share it. (He is so excited that his truck now has a CD player!) Last week we went somewhere and I got to drive the truck. When we got home I popped the CD out of the player and put it in my car. I think we need to buy another CD because I don't want to give it back!

Every time I hear this song I think it is trying to say something to me. I keep trying to apply it to adoption, but it doesn't seem to fit. But whatever it is, I can't seem to hear this song enough.

Leave Out All the Rest
I dreamed I was missing.
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared.
After my dreaming,
I woke with this fear.
What am I leaving
When I'm done here.
So if you're asking me
I want you to know.

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed.
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory.
Leave out all the rest.
Leave out all the rest.

Don't be afraid.
I've taken my beating.
I've shared what I made.
I'm strong on the surface,
Not all the way through.
I've never been perfect,
But neither have you.
So if you're asking me
I want you to know.

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done.
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed.
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest.
Leave out all the rest.

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well.
Pretending
Someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are.

How do you describe a good friend?

I'm talking about a really good friend who never judges you. Who cries with you when you cry? A friend who tries to hide their joy because they worry it will upset you? I wish I could find the right words because I have some friends that are just amazing. They never question me. They never complain when I start to go off about how unfair my life is. I have never met these people, but because we share something in common we are friends. Every time I feel down they are there at their keyboards typing out words of comfort to lift my spirits.

And I know it works both ways because when I can tell one of them is going through a tough time I try to do the same. Sometimes I don't know exactly what to say and all I may tell them is that I am sorry for what they are going through and I will pray for them. But when they tell me the exact same thing I feel better.

I thank Heaven EVERYDAY for these wonderful friends.

Bella & Tara

This story is AMAZING! Click HERE to watch it.

25 Reasons I Owe My Mother

This is so funny, and yet so true! *I should add that this was an email I received, it's not actually written about my family, but still there was so many I could relate too. See my notes at the bottom.
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA..
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE..
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
----
In regards to #3 - when we would travel, my dad would tell us to go to sleep so he could drive really, really fast. He told us that if we stayed awake it would make us sick. I'm sure my parents enjoyed those quite drives until we figured out he was lying to us in hopes to get us to sleep so we wouldn't fight.
In regards to #10 - my mom never made me eat spinach.
In regards to #15 - my little sister used to get mad and declare that she didn't like our family. My dad would always tell her that if she had been born elsewhere they would have named her Milicent Mugwump Magilicuti! I have no idea where he came up with that name, but it usually shut her up!

Quote on Courage

One of my friends in my online support group just shared a great quote that I had to post!

"Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is that quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

'I will try again."

I started another blog all about cooking

I don't know how often I will post to it, but it's entire purpose is cooking. Please check it out!

Sourbonk's Cookbook

The Gift of Adoption

The February Ensign has a great article this month about adoption. I was so embarrassed today when someone mentioned it in church. I hadn't even opened my Ensign yet. The LDS church did a wonderful job of putting it together and they made sure to tell about the miracle of adoption from the different parties involved. Click HERE to read the full article.

It starts with the story of a wonderful birth mom who became pregnant at age 16. Her journey toward her choice to place her child was amazing, but as always the case it is also heartbreaking. Here is a little part of her story.
"To say that I cried would be to put it mildly. My heart was full and broken at the same time. How could I feel such peace in a decision that brought so much pain? I later realized that I had brought much heartache and pain into my life and the lives of those intertwined with mine because I had let selfish desires override my long-term goals. But here, I had been given an opportunity to put aside what I wanted most—to keep this child—and to give her something better."
"Giving birth to a beautiful little girl was miraculous. I loved holding her and rocking her. She was so beautiful, and I cried many times her first night on earth. I knew that the next day would bring heartache when it was time to say good-bye.
What made that pain bearable was knowing that placing her for adoption was right. It was the hardest—but most right—thing I have ever done. I signed the papers through sheets of tears and then leaned on family and friends for support. My tears weren’t the only ones shed that day or in the days to come."

They then have a birth father tell his story. You don't hear as much about them, but they are just as incredible as the birth mothers. What an incredible man to realize that this responsibility doesn't always mean having to marry the girl simply out of obligation. It is better for a child to be raised in a family with both a mom and dad that love each other as much as they love their children. In some cases, it is best for the parents to marry. That is their decision to make. But if they realize that they would only be making things worse and instead choose to place their child in a family that it can become a part of eternally, that is true unconditional love. Here is the part of his story that just had me in tears.
"We felt strongly that our child was to go to these parents, a decision we felt confirmed in prayer and again later when Andrea and I met the family.
The day Jenna was born was more incredible and miraculous than we could ever have imagined. We kept her with us the first few days, and when the day came to take Jenna to her new family, we felt we couldn’t do it. Three hours after we were supposed to have been at the LDS Family Services office, we still hadn’t left my parents’ house. I asked my father to give each of us a priesthood blessing. Among the things he blessed us with was the ability to do the right thing.
We finally left for LDS Family Services. Again, we felt a strong Spirit confirming that this was the right thing, yet when Andrea and I stepped out of the office to return home, I felt the saddest I have ever felt. Neither of us said a word as we drove away. We just cried. That was the most difficult day of my life.
The next week—and the next month—were also hard. But Andrea and I kept moving forward as much as we could. Attending group sessions was helpful because parents who had been through what we were going through were there to talk about their experience, to encourage us, and to remind us not to give up hope in the future—for Jenna or for ourselves."

There is more people that are affected by adoption; the grandparents of the child. I can imagine that as a parent this would be heart wrenching. As parents we want to fix everything for our kids, but that's not always possible, especially when they become parents themselves.
"The day our grandson was born was a bittersweet one. What a beautiful baby! It would have been easy to change our minds—after all, children are raised by single mothers and grandparents all of the time. Surely we could do it too. But we knew the Lord’s will, and we knew that it was in this child’s best interest for the adoption to proceed. After spending two days with our daughter and grandson in the hospital, my wife and I watched with tears streaming down our faces as Katie handed her son to the caseworker. She exclaimed, “I can’t believe I just did that!” and ran back to her hospital room to cry. My wife later commented that she had never seen greater love than she did as she watched Katie that day. Adoption, she said, truly is about love."

The last story they tell, is to me, the most important one; the adopted child.
"One of my earliest memories is looking up at my mother after she had tucked me in and asking her if she would tell me a different bedtime story. After all, she had been telling me the same story every night for as long I could remember.
It always started with these words: “Once upon a time, there was a mommy and daddy who wanted very much to have a baby of their own.” It wasn’t a fable or a fairy tale but the story of our family and how I came to be a part of it. Because I had heard the story repeated so often, adoption was never a mysterious or uncomfortable topic. I learned from the beginning that I was meant to be with my family—I had just come a different way."

Now, I must take a moment here to get on my soap box. The story from the adopted child goes on to say that his parents were blessed with another miracle and they were able to produce children of their own after adopting her. I may have become mad at this point and put (threw) the article down. That really only happens to about 3% of infertile couples. I get so tired of hearing so-and-so adopted and then they had children of their own. First off, just having a child through pregnancy does not make them more your own verses adopting them. But the important part to remember is that adopting does not result in pregnancy. Yes, for those FEW that is happens to that is wonderful, but it really doesn't happen as often as the world thinks. That is why I never want to be pregnant. I don't want to be THAT person that is always mentioned to other infertile couples struggling to have children. Adoption is not a choice that is reached easily for most couples, and it usually isn't a QUICK FIX to parenthood. Adoption is the most spiritual thing a person can ever do with their life and should not be taken lightly. We know that we were chosen before coming to earth to adopt and only the most special couples get such a wonderful privilege.
With all that said, I should probably climb back down off the soap box, but if anyone ever suggests that our adopting will help us get pregnant, I may have to punch you. Consider yourself warned.
Oh, and please go read this article, The Gift of Adoption.

200

This is my 200th post and I want to do something special to mark the moment. But 200 is a big number. I don’t know that I could think of 200 things to name off except maybe books I own (I own around 250). That sounds long and boring.
I have already on numerous occasions listed things about me, but I fear to mention even more weird unknown facts about myself.
I thought about doing a tribute to my wonderful husband, but our anniversary is in a week so I am trying to save up all the compliments I can think of for then.
Since this blog is supposed to be about us trying to adopt I have chosen to take this moment and write a short essay of 200 words I would like to say to our birth mother when we have a child placed with us.

We will never understand the heartache and pain you have gone through as you have come to the decision to place your child, but we do understand how much you love this special little person that will bless all our lives.
We promise to raise this child with all the love we have and to make sure they know of the love you have for them. We hope that you will continue to be a part of our lives and be able to watch with us as your child grows up to be the person we all hope them to be. We know because of this selfless act of love that you are showing, they will be a better person. You have given us the most wonderful gift there is to give. A gift of love. A gift that means the world to us and will also mean the world to your child. A gift that will be a part of our family forever.
We will never be able to repay you for what you have given us, but not a day will pass that we won’t thank the Lord for you. We respect you, we love you. God bless.