Wednesday, April 27, 2011

14. Something that really bugs you / bust an infertility myth

I've been thinking about what bugs me for a few days, and I haven't come up with much. But then I decided to take the RESOLVE challenge to blog about an infertility myth and I figured out what does bug me. So here is my blog post I did on my infertility blog for the RESOLVE challenge. If you've already read this on my infertility blog, keep reading, I added one more thing that bugs me at the end of this post.

It is National Infertility Week and RESOLVE has challenged bloggers to blog about an infertility myth. The goal behind this challenge is to help bring infertility bloggers together and to also help others learn about infertility.

I have faced many of those myths head on over the years.

"Just relax."

"You're still young."

"Just adopt."

"Just try again."

Each of those statements (along with countless others) don't actually help someone with infertility. You can't just relax and suddenly your pregnant. You can't just adopt, its not like going to the store.

But right now the myth I struggle with the most is when people imply that we are not a family if we don't have kids.

Ten years ago, on February 9, 2001, my husband and I were married for time & eternity in the Jordan River Temple. When we went there that morning, we were just two people with no lasting connection. But after that, we were husband and wife. We were officially a family. A family starts the second you are declared man and wife. It doesn't wait to start until you are pregnant. It doesn't wait and start when you hear the first heartbeat. It doesn't wait and start when your first child is born. Josh and I have been a family for 10 years. Not having children doesn't make us less of a family. We are just as much a family as anyone else, whether they have one child or twelve.

Which leads to another myth, our lives aren't complete and happy, unless we become parents.

We've always been happy, even during our struggles. But this last year has been one of the best years of our marriage. Our lives are complete. Our lives do have meaning. We aren't empty shells because we don't have children. We still enjoy things. We still have a life.

My new favorite scripture is 2 Nephi 2:25. "Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."

It doesn't say, men have children so they can have joy. Just simply, "men are they they might have joy."

Its okay if we choose to be happy while living a childfree life. That doesn't make us selfish. We are not forced to sit home in tears that we aren't parents. We are allowed to find new meaning in life. To experience other things.

I don't like it when people imply I have "yet" to start my family. Josh is my family. I also don't appreciate when people act like we are missing out on the world. We have a very rich and full life. I have nothing to complain about. Josh makes me happy. He completes me. If he is the only member of my family, that is okay. I find joy in that.

To learn more about RESOLVE visit HERE.
To learn more about National Inferility Awareness Week visit HERE.

I thought of another thing that bugs me, adoption as portrayed on TV. Glee, Season 1, is available on instant Netflix. It didn't take long for both Josh and I to get hooked. When Quinn decided to make an adoption plan, I was excited. "Yay, TV is going to show adoption." But then it happened and I was so mad. She goes through struggles during her pregnancy with family and friends. But in the end, they all seem to make up just as she goes into labor. (Which I was happy to see her have support in the end.) They show her having the baby. Then they show her and the father watching the baby through the nursery window. Then they show Quinn, back at school like nothing had happened! I wanted to scream at the TV, "She just placed her baby! She just lost a piece of her heart! How can you show her going on like nothing happened?" I know its just a show, but my heart was breaking for her.


KT said...

Perfect Post!!

Heather said...

Im so happy to see this post... Everyone thinks that our situation is the perfect little fix to a health issue! There is so much more to it... You are so amazing... and such a great example to me! Love ya!!!

Kiki said...

I agree with it all!