I love open adoption and hope that we will be able to have a great relationship with our birth mom and her family (and hopefully the birth father too). We have kept our searching within the state in hopes that our birth mom will live in Utah. Then we can have frequent visits with her.
To me adoption is about the child. But after that is about the birth mom. Then on the bottom of the scale is the adoptive couple. The child's needs should be met first. They need to know their birth mom. They need to know how much she loves them and why she made the decision she did. How better to let them know than through open adoption and a continued relationship with the birth mom.
Then there is the birth mom. She puts a lot on the line when she makes her adoption plan. So her needs should be met too. She needs pictures to see how happy the family is. She might want visits to reassure her of her decision. I bought an expensive camera so I could take better quality pictures because I hoped to share them with our birth family someday. Our goal with C was monthly visits. The times we went to see her we always treated her to dinner. If things had continued we would have have tried to keep up on the monthly visits, but since we would be buying diapers and formula, we probably would have just hung out at her house, which I know would have been fine. She would want to see her baby, not eat dinner.
I guess I can see why open adoption scares some people. But when something is unfamiliar to you, it can be scary. My favorite thing to say about open adoption is: There is nothing wrong with more people loving your child. That is what open adoption is about.
What terrifies me is a closed adoption. I hate to think of never knowing anything about our child's birthmom and not having at least continual contact through letters and pictures.
Ask me a question on Formspring. Also be sure to view my page there, I'm not posting all the questions and answers on my blog.
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1 comment:
Having an open adoption with all five of our children's birthparents, I cannot imagine doing it any other way. There is no fear of "what if", my kids can ask their birthparents questions at any time, there is only love. Does it take a lot of trust? Yes! But isn't that what family is all about? I love and respect my children's birthparents and they love and respect me. I feel extremely blessed. I hope that you and Josh will be able to have a similar relationship with your future baby's birthparents as well. I know that you are ready for it and will be amazing at it. Love ya!
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