Hello World

"Well, hello world, how you been?

Good to see you, my old friend

Sometimes I feel as cold as steel

And broken like I'm never going to heal

I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurl

Well, hello world"

One of my New Years Resolutions is to try to find more joy in everyday life. Infertility has held me prisoner for too long. I became so caught up in my infertility that I lost everything else about me. Now I slowly feel like I am rediscovering myself. I can't be a mom, but I can still be other things.

I am a wife.

I am an aunt.

I am a mom to too many cats.

I am a friend.

I am a crafter.

I am a somewhat good cook.

I am a wanna be amateur photographer.

I am a over zealous blogger.

I am someone who enjoys good company.

I am someone who enjoys reading.

I am someone who enjoys girls nights.

I am someone who loves learning new things.

I am a child of God.

I think I still have a ways to go before I feel complete and content with the life I have, but I'm enjoying my journey as I look for other ways to enjoy life.

Traffic crawls, cell phone calls

Top video screams at me through my tinted windows I see

A little girl, rust red minivan

She's got chocolate on her face, got little hands

And she waves at me, yeah, she smiles at me

Well, hello world, how you been?

Good to see you, my old friend

Sometimes I feel as cold as steel

Broken like I'm never going to heal

I see a light, a little hole, and a little girl

Well hello world

Every day I drive by a little white church

Its got these little white crosses like angels in the yard

Maybe I should stop in and say a prayer

Maybe talk to God like he is there

Oh, I know He's there, yeah, I know He's there

Well, hello world, how you been?

Good to see you, my old friend

Sometimes I feel as cold as steel

And broken like I'm never going to heal

I see a light, a little grace, a little faith unfurl

Well, hello world

Sometimes I forget what livings for and I hear my life

through my front door

And I'll be there, oh, I'm home again

I see my wife, little boy, little girl

Hello world, hello world

All the empty disappears, I remember why I'm here

Just surrender and believe, I fall down on my knees

Oh, hello world, hello world

Hello world

(Lady Antebellum "Hello world" lyrics found on http://www.songlyrics.com/)

Day in the city

I love trips to the city! Yesterday Jessica and I went to the city. Our first stop ended up being our favorite stop of the day. We went to the Robert's Crafts in Sandy because they were having some good sales and make a take projects.

First we made these cute little gifts bags. I was blown away when they told me they cut these out with the Cricut machine! I am going to order this cartridge!

Now I just need to fill it with goodies so I can give it to my nephew. :)

Then we made this little notepads. They were so fun and I wanted to buy the machine, but.....well, I'm still trying to justify it.

I was also able to buy a few cake supplies. I bought a round and a rectangular cake carrier along with some frosting tips and other fun cake things. Next week I want to make a cake for the 4th of July so I also bought some nice round cake pans. I can't wait to make the cake!

Then we headed to The Quilted Bear. I was surprised at check out and how much I spent. I usually spend a lot more.

A fun new key chain. I love the little fish and the cat standing by the milk jug!

A fun magnet that has magnets in all the paws so you can arrange it in different positions.

In the last few months we have decided to no longer hold back all the fun things we want to do because of the what ifs of life. This magnet and the plaque below are perfect!

Jessica found these cute little jars and they were only $2! So we each got one. We made several other stops, including the Olive Garden. I've decided their Alfredo sauce is about as close to heavenly food that you can get. We went to a few more craft stores, including the new Hobby Lobby. Usually we spend more time clothes shopping, but this trip we spent more time at the craft stores.

The other fun thing I bought was a few cat towers, but they can be connected together. The blue hammock on the left side is actually part of the last tower. I only bought one end piece and thought I would use the hammock until I can get another end piece.

Family Block Kits

My cousins and I got together this week to put our family block kits from the Idea Closet together.

The first kit you can modge podge a cardstock picture onto, but I decided to just tape a wallet sized picture on so I can change it each year. I LOVE the saying on this kit, it really helps me remember how much I love Josh and it will be okay if it is just the two of us forever.

The second kit came with papers that were cream and black, but I knew this paper would fit our family better. Its the Sarsaparilla kit from Close to My Heart.

I love getting together with these women. They married my cousins, but quickly became family. I remember growing up I didn't like to play with my cousins (cause they were boys), but I am so glad they married such wonderful women and that we have become such close friends. I love you guys so much.

Formspring question answered - Adoption questions you don't like

What adoption question are you sick of people asking? by jilleb163

*Stepping on soapbox

Where do I start? I hate it when people imply that by adopting, you will automatically become pregnant. They may know someone who did adopt and become pregnant. I know those people too. But for every couple that has adopted and then gotten pregnant, I can name 10 that adopted and then didn't get pregnant.

Couples don't choose to adopt just because they can't get pregnant. A lot of couples can get pregnant, but for different infertility reasons, they can't carry their child full-term and their pregnancy ends in a miscarriage, still birth, or pre-mature birth and death.

But I also know the hundreds that adopt. And then they adopt again. And again. But they never do get pregnant (or they do, but they still continue to have the problems listed above). Here's the kicker. Apparently the only way to never, ever, ever get pregnant, is to never have sex.

For me personally, I couldn't explore adoption until I had come to terms with never being pregnant. It was a tough battle. But I can honestly say that I have NO desire to ever be pregnant. In fact, the thought of it scares me to death.

*Continuing on my soapbox

I don't like it when people try to make this big distinction between adopted children and biological children. They make it sound like biological children are real and adopted children aren't.

From my favorite adoption book, "The Adoption Decision" I like to quote:

Natural child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real parent: Any parent who is not imaginary.
Your own child: Any child who is yours to love.
Adopted child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is loved.

If I'm in sassy mood, I'll also ask you, "Was your child born vaginally or by c-section?"

An adopted child is no different than a biological child. You love them just as much. You are the mother to them in all the same ways you would be to a biological child. You give them a home, food, clothes, discipline, love. You give your entire heart to a child, no matter what way they join your family. To me, the only difference is, if I could get pregnant, my child would join my family in nine months. Because we are adopting, we have been paper pregnant for 2 years, 3 months, and 6 days (with still no end in sight).

*Yep, still on my soapbox
I don't like it when people question our chosen adoption path. Every family makes their own adoption choice. Some choose international. Some choose to foster-to-adopt. I may be okay with never getting pregnant, but I want the entire baby experience. Please don't question me on my own feelings. And don't try to change them.

*Still on my soapbox and now getting more personal
When we told people about meeting C, I hated the automatic judgments they passed. "How young is she?" "Is this her first time pregnant?" "Is the dad a steady boyfriend?" Some of their questions made me want to vomit. I HATE the assumptions people make about girls considering adoption. These women LOVE their unborn child, more then they love themselves. These women are upstanding women who made a mistake. Guess what, all people make mistakes. No one is immune from it.

*Another personal experience
The biggest irritation when we told people about C was their very first response, "What if she changes her mind." Yes, I realize that she did end up changing her mind. But I hated it because I felt like I wasn't even allowed to be happy about being chosen. I felt like they were already assuming the worse. We waited almost 2 years to get chosen, and THAT is what people had to say about it? My usual response was "We aren't going to think about that. We are going to enjoy every minute of this." I have no regrets there. We did enjoy every minute. If we get chosen again, I will do the same thing. I'm not going to think about the "what if's." Every one else shouldn't either.

*Getting off soapbox.

Ask me a question on Formspring. Also be sure to view my page there, I'm not posting all the questions and answers on my blog.

I couldn't say it better myself

Quote on Courage

One of my friends in my online support group just shared a great quote that I had to post!

"Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is that quiet voice

at the end of the day saying,

'I will try again."

Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.