My Tribute to Anthony

My heart is heavy. 

This weekend, my cousin passed away in a car wreck. He would have turned 23 next month. 

Truthfully, we weren't close. But that's part of the reason I can't understand why it hurts so much.

He was so young. He was an amazing man.

Each time the tears start to spill, I focus on my thoughts, to understand my pain. 

I've realized a few things.

I mourn for the loss of life. So many things he'll never get to experience.

I mourn because he was family. I was saddened a few weeks ago when a young man in our community was killed. But this time, its a million times worse. He was family. Closeness or not, that makes it harder to comprehend.

But most of all, I mourn for his family. His parents. I can't even imagine the pain of loosing one of your children. One moment, everything is fine. The next moment, you receive that phone call that no parent should ever receive.

I mourn for his siblings; one brother and three sisters. Just thinking of them trying to pick up the pieces and move on... I loose it. Not only did they loose a brother, but they lost an uncle to their children. They lost a best friend.

I keep thinking of the right words to take away their pain. Only to realize, those words don't exist. Here is the best I can come up with.

I wish I could tell you that the pain will go away. But I think that would imply that you would forget the pain and therefore, forget the love also. But someday, the pain won't hurt as much. Hopefully, someday you will be able to think of Anthony and smile and only have a small tear escape your eye. Someday, the pain will lessen enough that you'll feel like you can breathe again.

Its okay to take time to mourn. But remember that death is only final for the dead. The living are the ones that are left behind. Step by step, you will find a way to move on. Anthony will always be in your hearts. One day, you will realize its okay to move on. 

Its okay to ask for help. When I reached my lowest point, I was on the brink of hurting myself, or worse. I thought that if I sought professional health, it meant I was too weak. I thought I should be strong enough to do it on my own and others would think less of me if I couldn't. I was wrong. I think in the end, I never would have taken that final step to end my pain, but reaching out for help was one of the best things I ever did. 

Please remember you are not alone. God loves you. Over the last few days, I have felt that so much. I think that is why I have cried so much. Your pain is His pain. I know that is this all a part of His bigger plan. He knew it would hurt, but He is there for you. 

Mother's Day 2015

This year, we did a Huckleberry Gift basket for Mother's Day. It included Huckleberry Pancake Mix, Huckleberry Muffin Mix and Huckleberry Jam. We made one for Josh's mom and one for Susan. I wasn't sure my mom would enjoy it as much, so I got her a gift card to buy garden plants instead (which she said was perfect).

Father's Day 2014

This year, I decided to do a "manly" gift basket for Father's Day. I found a few items that I could add fun "dad" sayings to and used them to fill a cooler. 

Josh wanted a new smoker and BBQ grill, but since I was busy in Atlanta, we decided to go buy those in a few weeks. I still wanted to make sure he received a gift on Sunday, so I found this cute picture frame. I thought I had a picture to put in it, but I couldn't find one. So he has decided we'll just have to go camping in a few weeks and take a picture. 

Helicopter

This year, I was able to help my uncle again with his Dutch Oven Stand at UBIC. Its a lot of work, but also fun to hang with family and earn a little extra cash.

 

The highlight of the weekend was on Friday. I had been at the park since 9 AM. We had served a lunch one place, and then headed back to the park to start on dinner. Around 4:00, a helicopter landed I the field behind the bathrooms. We couldn't really see what was going on and had no idea. There wasn't a lot of hustle, so we didn't think it was life flight. Our only other thought was maybe it was the band flying in for that night.

 

I finally had a few minutes to go take a look. It looked like they were giving a tour to the kids at the park. So I called my sister and told her to get down there immediately since I didn't know how long they would be staying.

 

She didn't get the message for about 30 minutes, but when she showed up, I took a quick break to help with the boys. Valex met me at the edge of the parking lot yelling, "Look nana! Helicopter! Red Helicopter!" He ran as fast as his little legs could carry him.

 

Once we got close, he wasn't so sure. So I sat on the foot part and then he joined me for a few pictures.

 

Daxsen wasn't as interested. I think was more interested in the band warming up on the stadium.

 

The pilot even let Valex sit in the driver's seat. Of course, when it was time to go, we couldn't get him out.

 

I'm so glad the boys got to experience this up close. Valex loved it!

Haslem/Hardy Family Pictures

Last month, when my family got together to go to Idaho, we started out by getting our family pictures done. It was something my mom helped plan as a present for my grandma. So we did individual pictures, extended family pictures, grand kids only, etc. Our photographer, Heidi, did a wonderful job and took well over 250 pictures, which she provided on a disc. Wow, so many pictures to sort through. Here are my favorites.

 

My mom and her immediate family (aka, the wild bunch I grew up with).

 

The whole family:

 

My grandma with all her grand kids:

 

My grandma and her children:

 

My mom and her kids:

 

Individual pics of my siblings. (PS, they are all available! As in, for dating, not the picture itself.)

 

My sister and her kids. Of course, they are my favorites, simply based on the fact I love those boys so much!

 

 

Our Pictures:

 

 

Daxsen's 1st Birthday

This weekend, we got together to celebrate Daxsen's 1st birthday. Let me tell you, he is one spoiled little boy.

 

Below is a picture of everything I got for him. Which I wrapped into 4 different packages to be unwrapped. Josh made the comment, "You don't spoil your nephews at all, do you." I replied by telling him it was almost time to order the Halloween shirts I like to get for them every year. Yep, not spoiled at all. ;)

 Daxsen wasn't quite sure what to do with his gifts. But his big brother was right there to show him.

 He always has the most serious look on his face! Cracks me up each time.

When Valex turned 1, he got a little train to ride. Daxsen got a firetruck, which Valex immediately tried to claim as his own. I think now that Daxsen can walk, Valex gets jealous a lot more easily. 

 

After John got the wheels put on the firetruck, Valex immediately jumped on it. When John tried to lift him off, he wrapped his legs around it so we couldn't pry him off.

 

Daxsen liked his firetruck.

Valex didn't like him liking his firetruck. 

So Daxsen went and played with the toy cars my mom bought for Valex so he wouldn't feel left out. 

After dinner, it was time for birthday cake. In my family, its tradition that on your 1st birthday, you get your own smash cake. Vanessa decided to do a Mickey Mouse cake for Daxsen's 1st birthday. Since we needed two cakes for the party, she came up the day before to help me. She decorated the Mickey Mouse cake. It turned out so cute!

 

The second cake we did was a dinosaur cake. When I was looking at pans one day, I fell in love with this pan and just had to have it. I was going to buy it whether my sister wanted it or not, so I was tickled when she wanted it as the 2nd cake.

When Valex noticed how much attention Daxsen was getting with his dirty face, Valex started smearing ice cream on his face. Then he would look up at us and just laugh and laugh. 

 I can't believe my favorite nephew is no longer a baby. I love these boys so much. I wish I could just bottle their cuteness up and keep it forever.